


Chaotic Nonsense

by royaltyofaurorablue



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Created by Being Extra, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Reincarnation, TFLN References, Tumblr References
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-04 02:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 37,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12159441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/royaltyofaurorablue/pseuds/royaltyofaurorablue
Summary: “I just want to say from the bottom of my heart; I didn’t sign up for this shit,” Sakura hissed patching up Deidara who simply gave her a look in response.“That’s either from Hot Topic or Tumblr. I can never tell, yeah.”“Don’t be a cheeky shit. I’m trying to save your stupid ass from bleeding to death. At least pretend to give a fuck.”-----The plot was making as many tumblr references I can put inside each ACT to be extra. It takes drastic turns with hints of reincarnation, supernatural, and modern setting. Each ACT will end differently and it's considered a one-shot. Please enjoy





	1. You've Been Hit, Baby!

**Author's Note:**

> This is what I come up with when I have writer's block for DID YOU MOVE ON? Fascinating.

**NARUTO doesn’t belong to me. Thank Heavens right?**

**This is a mixture of fantasy, reincarnation, and references from Tumblr, anime, and movies. Reason why? I want to work something that’s extra.**

**There’s a lot of text chat and dialogue so if that’s not your thing; the fic ain’t for you.**

 

xxx

 

“I just want to say from the bottom of my heart; I didn’t sign up for this shit,” Sakura hissed patching up Deidara who simply gave her a look in response.

“That’s either from Hot Topic or Tumblr. I can never tell, yeah.”  
“Don’t be a cheeky shit. I’m trying to save your stupid ass from bleeding to death. At least pretend to give a fuck.”

 

“I’ll pretend to give a fuck if you don’t quote Hot Topic or Tumblr anymore.”   
“I honestly cannot believe. It’s from Tumblr, first of all---”  
“I knew it. No fuck is given.”   
“Oh fuck off; you blonde motherfucker.”

“MILFS are attractive, but they’re not my style.”  
“I will kill you if the next person you battle doesn’t kill you off first.”   
“I love your angry face. It’s so laughable with your pink hair and green eyes.”

 

“Is it today _Piss Off Sakura_?! Between you, Hidan, Kiba, and Sai; I don’t know who I want to bitch slap first.”

“You know I honestly thought you were going to list everyone we mutually know. Like you’re just a short ball of rage and salt. You need a stress relieving toy or a vibrator. Whichever comes first, yeah.”

That made Sakura cracked a grin even when she wants to stay angry with him. Deidara just won’t let her be mad at him for so long. She watched him grinned back at her; pleased at himself. The self-centered cute fuck.

 

“I thought vibrators were stress relieving toys. Or at least the ones I have in stashed in my closet,” Karin replied walking up to them. Sakura choked on her spit while Deidara smirked at Karin who waggled her brows at him.

“Probably. Considering it’s you; anything can be a dildo if you’re adventurous enough, yeah.”   
“Oh. How I love the fact you thought of me and vagina being adventurous. Just a woman wants to hear.”   
“If you think me basically telling you only fucking yourself is what you love; be my guest.”

 

“Please end this conversation. Or I’ll go back being mad.”  
“Isn’t that your fault setting?”   
“I thought her fault setting was chasing Sasuke.”

 

“Both of you are going to die. If not by me; someone else I’ll pay to land a hit.”

Deidara and Karin grinned at Sakura in response which the pinkette snorted. Of course, her best friends will find this kind of shit funny.

“Her fault setting is being a medic. Who I need right now,” Sasori replied walking to their direction with a frown. He knows they’re joking but he honestly doesn’t give a damn.

 

Sakura slapped the bandage on Deidara’s bicep and she gave him a sweet smile when he hissed at her in annoyance. She got up from the ground and went to work on Sasori who only gave her an unreadable look.

“They just sit there and the sexual tension comes right on it,” Karin whispered loudly and Deidara gave her an unbelievable look in response.

“Girl. You have no idea how right you are.”   
“Oh, I know! I can feel it in my heart.”

 

“Funny. I thought that died long ago,” Sakura muttered and Sasori rolled his eyes. Not the most clever on comebacks; is she?

“Excuse me; I think you’re talking about my soul.”   
“Someone actually brought your soul? Some people can be so desperate.”

 

Sasori’s lips twitched upwards and Deidara snorted in response. Their pinkette can be a cheeky shit as well.

Karin gasped placing her hand on her chest; feigning hurt.

“They were not desperate! It was for an love potion spell.”   
“Looks like it backfired unless the love potion was used for your sex toys.”

Deidara laughed at that while Sasori hid his smile glancing at the other direction. Meanwhile, Karin gaped at Sakura who only smiled in response and went back at healing Sasori; who fucking broke two ribs and was dangerously close to puncturing his lungs.

 

Good times. Bad friends.

xxx

 

“So wait. Let me get this fucking straight; the pinkette actually made a comeback that didn’t suck? Did I hear that right?”

“Fuck off, Hidan. I can make comebacks.”  
“Once in every blue moon, you can.”   
“You too, Kisame.”

 

Kisame only smiled at her while Hidan rolled his eyes. She’s just proving his point.

“I find it funny that someone would sell a soul for a love potion, of all things. It’s like they just want a fuckboy to come in their life,” Zetsu replied before he took a sip of his beer.

“Oh, fuckboys. Don’t even get me on started on them,” Konan replied flickering another olive from her pizza and taking a bite afterward. She slowly chewed on her piece giving Deidara a disgusting look when he slurped on his drink.

 

“Not even Jashin-sama would let me sacrifice a fuckboy.”  
“So your god can be picky. Who would of that, yeah”   
“The fuck that’s supposed to be mean?”   
“It means whatever the fuck you want it to mean.”

Cheeky blonde hoe. One of the days; Hidan gonna show him who’s Jashin-sama is.

 

“Anyway; selling your soul can cost a fortune.”   
“Of course; Kakuzu would fucking think of the cost.”   
“Money is everything, Hidan.”

 

“Only if you have it, yeah. It’s shit when you’re broke and it’s shit when you have it but don’t use it for anything. Just collecting dust because you’re a greedy old fuck.”   
“With that note; we stopped expecting gifts from Kakuzu on our birthdays long ago.”

They all tapped their beers together at that before taking a large sip. Even Kakuzu, himself, did the cheer.

“I don’t know what’s better though. Selling your soul or making a pack with a demon?” Tobi suddenly asked at the group. He blinked at them staring at him for a long moment.

 

“Whatcha mean better?”  
“Isn’t that the same thing?”   
“Technically; no. You can sell your soul to any supernatural being. Making a pack with a demon can mean anything.”   
“Thanks; Mr. Discovery Channel.”

 

Itachi rolled his eyes and ate the rest of his pizza before he got up from the table. He just needs a break from his group of friends time to time. What he should have expected was Deidara coming with him.

He gave the blonde a look who simply shrugged.

 

“You think I’m a social butterfly? Bitch please; I only talk when I want to.”   
“Are you aiming for the dramatic blonde bitch act or do you just want to deny you want my company?”   
“Oh, fuck you. Why the fuck do I bother?”   
“Both it is.”

 

“So what’s your reason to sin?”   
“Is this a new pickup line?”   
“No. You’re not my type.”  
“Says the guy who blew me a week ago.”

 

Itachi and Deidara both ignore the rude looks they received. It’s none of the normals business on what they talk about.

“You know the one thing I would never get over is how loose you become.”   
“I see no reason to be a liar now since _they_ are long dead.”   
“... Yeah; that’s valid.”

“Back to my question, Itachi. What’s your reason to sin?“

 

Itachi gave him a long look that Deidara only returned. He wondered what the point of this but he decided he didn’t want to know. No matter what life they are reincarnated in; Deidara will always be the same chaotic bastard he is.

Just mellow around Itachi and is rumoured to be in a polygamous relationship with Sakura and Sasori. They certainly act like it time to time. None of his business; though.

“It’s easier than the virtues in my life, that’s all.”   
“Hmm.”   
“What’s your reason for sinning, Deidara?”   
“I ain’t taking any fuckin’ stairs to Heaven and honestly; I doubt I can even go to Heaven now.”   
“Considering it’s you; that ship has sailed and sunk a long time ago.”

They didn’t say anything after that. Just enjoyed each other’s company.

 

xxx

 

_**A week later…** _

 

Sakura thought it would be fun to make a group chat; yes she did. She told them she’s adding them whether they like it or not because it would be fun. She stressed that out several times; they just decided to hit ‘fuck it’ mark and go along with it.

A group chat that considered the Konoha 13 (including Suna Sibs && Team Taka) along with the Akatsuki. So much fun; it was.

 

[ **_Questionable Man_** ] It’s such a peaceful walk to the fuckin woods, ya’ll. The fact I just dragged a body in it is irrelevant.   
[ **_Money Lover_** ] It better not be a normal; Hidan. Or I’ll kill you off.   
[ **_Naru-chan_** ] If you didn’t successfully kill him off in our first life; I don’t think you can do it now dattebayo.

 

Oh, my. Naruto, honey, when did you start to diss people like that? What life was that and where the hell was she when it happened? She needs to pay attention more even if the shinobi world is only in myths; she should still be aware of her surroundings.

 

[ **_Questionable Man_** ] Yo peach it; fox boy.   
[ **_Q.M_** ] It’s not a normal. The fuck with you? A vampire got nasty and I took care of the blood-sucking fuck.   
[ **_Fishy_** ] Did they took the blood play too far? Accidentally sank their teeth in your dick?   
[ **_Kagura Ain’t Got Nothing_** ] If I was a vampire; it wouldn’t be an accident.

[ **_Ying Yang Gone Wrong_** ] You would actually go near his dick?   
[ **_Q.M_** ] Fuck all of you. There’s nothing wrong with my dick. I'll send you a picture fuck sakes.   
[ **_Origami Goddess_** ] You send a dick pic, and I’ll remove the pic and the dick.

[ **_A_ _tomic Blonde_** ] Pretty sure everyone knows what a dick looks like, yeah. All our sexualities changed time to time in each life.   
[ **_Flower Wife_** ] Why are you hanging out with vampires anyway? They’re nasty in general.   
[ **_Naru-chan_** ] Ino has a point.   
[ **_Q.M_** ] I’m not hanging out with them. The vampire and I had a fuckin interesting conversation about a certain healing witch.

 

That got Sakura’s attention. After all; she’s the only healing witch in the group. She wondered why a vampire wants something from her. Like hell; she gives them blood from the blood bank in any hospitals in her city.

 

[ **_Flower Wife_** ] What about Sakura?  
[ **_Q.M_** ] Looks like the pinkette pissed someone off. She got a hit on her. Wanted Dead. Reward: $32,000; it told me.

 

 **WHAT?!** Out of the all things, a vampire would want from her; she didn’t expect this. She honestly wished the blood bank was the thing. She knows how to deal with that.

 

[ **_Independent Woman_** ] I got a fucking hit on me?! What for?!   
[ **_Bite Lover_ ** ] Well that’s something… I don’t want to see you die again, Saku.   
[ **_I.W_** ] … We don’t bring that up, Karin.

[ **_Atomic Blonde_** ] We should, yeah. The person that might have killed you could be the same person for all we know.   
[ **_Origami Goddess_** ] All I remember from her death was that she was stabbed in the heart with a poison dagger.   
[ **_Q.M_** ] So she basically suffered Sasori’s first death.

 

[ **_Bite Lover_** ] I… She didn’t have the puppet of her parents doing the deed, but yes.   
[ **_My Own Hades_** ] I am not surprised the little girl got stabbed in the heart or she pissed someone off to earn a death warrant.

 

Yeah. That’s her man right there. Sometimes she wonders what about him that interests her several times a month but he makes up for it in his own special way. Sasori was also back at the ‘little girl’ nickname. She’ll show him who’s a little girl later at night.

 

[ **_Flower Wife_** ] Try being concern about your girl; you puppet fuck.   
[ **_Naru-chan_** ] Yeah. Or someone steals her way.   
[ **_My Own Hades_** ] If they’re brave enough. Sakura can take care of herself; she doesn’t need to be mother-henned. Have a little faith in your friend.   
[ **_A_ _tomic Blonde_** ] Yeah bitches. She got this.

 

Sakura smiled at that. Her two favorite boys defending her strength and honor without hesitation. She loves that so much. She gotta go buy them gifts from their wish lists after this whole hit thing is finished and done with. Preferably her living at the end.

 

[ **_Fishy_** ] I gotta ask. This hit thing does make me lil’ concern but is that rumour true?   
[ **_Atomic Blonde_** ] What rumour? We got tons with this group. Bunch of gossiping bitches.   
[ **_Orange Lollipop_** ] Pot kettle; Deidara-sempai.   
[ **_Atomic Blonde_** ] Oh fuck off, Tobi.

 

C’mon Kisame. Don’t leave her hanging. She wants to know what rumour is it not Deidara telling his lollipop man to fuck off. Like that’ll ever change; no matter what life they get thrown in for the universe amusement.

 

[ **_Fishy_** ] The poly relationship between you, Sasori, and Sakura.

 

He certainly didn’t leave her hanging; for sure. What a lovely rumour. Although she could have sworn that relationship happen two lifetimes ago. Was that still being discussed? They might be gossiping bitches.

 

[ **_My Own Hades_** ] That happened two lifetimes ago.   
[ **_Atomic Blonde_** ] Been there; done that. Absolutely fun.   
[ **_I.W_** ] Hence why they’re my besties. They know me.   
[ **_Atomic Blonde_** ] Inside and out if you catch my drift, yeah.

[ **_Flower Wife_** ] Why am I not surprised.   
[ **_Kagura Ain’t Got Nothing_** ] Her in poly relationship w/ the artist duo is more believable than a Team 7 threesome.   
[ **_Naru-chan_** ] I never wanted to know this dattebayo.   
[ **_Q.M_** ] I did. I got nothing better to do then read this interesting shit.

 

Polygamous relationships can bring out two types of reactions; she realizes reading the chatting. She can’t say she minds.

 

[ **_Ita-chan_ ** ] Explains why neither got mad at Deidara for the blowjob he gave me.   
[ **_Fishy_** ] Huh. This group can be fun.   
[ **_Quiet Leader_** ] We have come along way in life when Sasori would willingly go in polygamous relationship with Deidara.   
[ **_Origami Goddess_** ] Not to mention Deidara giving Itachi a blowjob.

[ **_Atomic Blonde_** ] Eh. I mellowed out over the years, yeah.   
[ **_My Own Hades_** ] Deidara isn’t much a menace like he used to be.   
[ **_Atomic Blonde_** ] The fuck’s that supposed to mean?   
[ **_My Own Hades_** ] You piss me off less. What else is it suppose to mean?

 

Sakura snorted at that before she decided to put her phone hooked to its charger and go make her a late lunch. She was supposed to be a doctor with healthy habits; a role model for patients. What a joke. She became such a good bullshitter over the years.

Fake it til you make it, baby. Ain’t that showbiz.

xxx

 

“So. Let me get this straight; someone put a hit on you and the reward is $32,000 grand…” Tsunade said with a judgment frown; staring at her adoptive daughter. She watched Sakura wince at the stare but she nodded. She let out a frustrated sigh in response.

“Don’t look at me like that, ma’. It’s not like I purposely pissed off this someone. I honestly don’t know what I have done or who the hell it is.” Sakura mumbled and Tsunade’s look softened at hearing that. Tsunade knows that but her daughter can be reckless with her actions and honestly; her mouth.

“Given the fact Sasori killed off Orochimaru as soon he crossed paths with the snake; it’s not him. There’s no way that fucking bastard will survive what Sasori put him through.” Sakura pointed out with a small smile. She never liked the snake; no matter what lifetime.

Tsunade gave her a look for a long moment.

 

“Given the fact, your boyfriend is a nerenormacer; I’m not surprised. Manipulating Orochimaru to do what he wanted before he killed him off; sell his organs to Kakuzu for the black market or experiments, and then tear the snake’s soul to shreds is something Orochimaru wouldn’t survive.”

Sakura only smiled in response which Tsunade snorted at.

“What lifetime did your feelings change concerning Sasori?” The blonde’s sudden question made Sakura frozen at getting up from her seat to look at her mother in surprise who simply raised a brow in response.

 

“I honestly don’t know and truthfully; I don’t care anymore. He always had faith in me no matter the lifetime we cross paths. He doesn’t ignore me at all. He listens and even gives me an advice on a project I’m working with. He knows he made me uncomfortable in our first life, and he doesn’t apologize for that. Like fuck I’m going to apologize for all the chaos I did in that fight.”

Sakura paused for breath and she watched Tsunade snorted in amusement.

“He’s different; clearly different from Sasuke. I know Sasuke and I married and had Sarada in our past life but that’s been twenty or thirty lifetimes ago. Our love slowly died everytime I cross paths with Sasori. I slowly stopped hanging out with Sasuke and the others to hang out with Sasori, Konan, Itachi, and Deidara the most out of the Akatsuki. He’s just different and I don’t know how to put that in words.”

 

Tsunade was aware of her hangouts with those Akatsuki members, but she said nothing. She just nodded and helped Sakura up from her seat. The elder woman smiled at the pinkette before she wrapped her arms around Sakura and hugged her. Sakura hugged her back with a smile.

“Sasuke may have made you happy but your journal with him was a draining one. Sasori, on another hand, pissed you off simply for the fun of it but I can see him caring for you in his own way. He’s a good kid. I got to meet his parents before they died; natural causes though. Maybe the reason why this Sasori is slightly laid back because he got to spend his childhood with them.”

 

Sakura grinned at that; nodding. “I remember that! I think this life is the only life we cross paths when we were children. Mother used to take me to Suna for surprise vacations trips and I always seek out Sasori before the siblings.”

Tsunade nodded with a smile. “Well. I’ll contact my colleagues to see what’s going on with the hit placed on you. In the meantime; lay low. Don’t go where Deidara battles; that’s probably what started the mess.Your involvement with the Akatsuki is a dangerous one.”

Sakura gaped at her. “Deidara wouldn’t..”

“I know Deidara wouldn’t do such a thing to you but he has enemies that would. Just watch your back, please. Your deaths are always violent. Please, for once, die peacefully at old age. That’s all I’m hoping out of this.” Tsunade cut her off and with that; Sakura left the hospital thinking it over.

She got out of her phone and texted the group; to make it easier for her.

 

[ **_Independent Woman_** ] I had a discussion with ma’ just this moment ago. Were my deaths always violent?   
[ **_Bite Lover_** ] From what I remember; yeah. It’s hard to take you down in a fight so when the enemy had the opening to do so; they fuck you up bad.

 

Sakura hissed at that. She’s not going to apologize for her quick reflexes; no sir. Not at all. Those skilled saved her ass more than she can count.

 

[ **_Wolf Boy_** ] I remember you dying from the black plague because someone purposely put the sick near you. You weren’t even a doctor in that life.   
[ **_Puppetmaster_** ] Honestly; no matter what life we have; you always die violently. I cannot for the life of me remember if you ever went down peacefully.   
[ **_Flower Wife_** ] You did die peacefully once.

 

That pipped Sakura’s interest and help out her grooming mood a little. She was about to text back but she froze in her tracks. She senses something dark watching her and she bit her lip; she’s not going to die this time.

She quickly walked away from that spot and towards the subway; knowing this time it’s packed with people. Surely they won’t go that far? They will be breaking the oath on keeping the supernatural beings a secret from normals'.

She paid close attention to her surroundings; the group chats no longer an interest for her. She quickly sat down in a seat that had the most people near it. She decided to take the subway route towards Sasori’s apartment and not hers. It could be bugged for all she knows.

She got to Sasori’s apartment safely and used her spare key to open the door and hurriedly shut it before anyone tried to use that opening to end her life. She paid no attention to Sasori’s questioning look he was aiming at her from his couch.

 

She locked the door and even bolted it shut; even using a protection spell for desperate measures. Sasori’s questionable look slowly turn into an understanding one with a hint of anger. He wasn’t mad at her but the one who placed a hit on her and even the one that surely is following her today.

Sakura smiled at him before she set down her things at the coffee table after she took off her shoes near the mat at the front door. She went to the kitchen and decided to cook a meal for them; not caring what time it is. Sasori didn’t stop her anyway.

“I take it you were followed.” No question; just confirmation on what he already suspected. He watched Sakura paused at her actions before she nodded; sighing as she did so. He got up from the couch; that was black like most furniture pieces he owned.

 

He had a studio apartment with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. One that connected to his master bedroom and another for the company that was next to the first bedroom on the left in the hallway that’s next to the kitchen.

One room was used for his projects and the other was used as a guest room. The master bedroom was used for Sasori, of course, and Sakura and even Deidara. He stopped caring when the blond used the bed when he was too drained from battles and tired to walk the extra fifteen-minute distance from his own apartment.

Sasori surely has changed over the years.

Once he asked what Sakura on what she’s making; he went to help her out after he washed his hands and went to work at preparing the chou main while she went to prepared and seasoned the orange chicken; knowing that Sasori liked foods that are seasoned. They also decided to make vegetable egg rolls and fried chicken riced from the leftover chicken.

 

It took them quite a long time to make the meal but it was all worth it. They know they made enough to last a day or two for leftovers but that’s alright.

Sakura set down the plates and silverware while Sasori set the food down on the table. They piled the food on their plates and was about to begin eating; when a knock was heard. Sasori gave Sakura a look and she stayed where she is while he went to the door.

 

He sensed magic; familiar magic that made him frown in question. She never went to his apartment willingly and never alone. She always had Nagato with her; so Sasori quickly broke the spell and unlock the door. As soon he opened the door; Konan burst into the door and shut it quickly.

Sasori didn’t care that she shoved him from the door or the fact she used advance protection spells not only on the door but the whole apartment. He was more concerned about the blood on her clothes and the tears. The way she had her jacket completed shredded and her white shirt stained with her blood and who else showing; the way where her pants were ripped and her black underwear was shown. Her heels; her favorite ones that she’ll kill a person who tries to break or steal them; had a broken heel and another had blood on the heel; indicating that she used it as a weapon.

 

“What the hell happened?” He demanded once he was done examining her disheveled appearance. He watched the woman turned to face him and he was taken back from the blood on her face. Her left eye was closed and there was a gash over it; shown she was harmed badly in that eye.

She had a broken nose that was still dripping blood down her lips, chin, and onto her white blouse. A split lip and bruises slowly appearing on her neck; that looked like hand prints. Sasori knew that she was choked right away. He narrowed at the bruises; the hint of anger slowly turning into an inferno.

 

He was not amused nor pleased. To believe it or not; Konan was a dear friend of his. The woman welcomed him into the Akatsuki; their first life and every life after that. Had his back when Orochimaru went too close in his personal space with a lecherous leer on his face. He may always die before her but he still doesn’t want to be in a world without her nor Sakura.

Only women other than his late mother dear to his heart.

 

“Yahiko has been killed in front of me again. I barely got away. Nagato was not among us but I am sure he’s aware of what happened. A storm is coming our way, after all.” Konan whispered; her voice even cracked during the explanation. Sasori narrowed his eyes at that before he called to Sakura come here.

The pinkette run out of the room once she saw Konan and with a gasp; she quickly set Konan down on the floor once she noticed the foot that had the broken heel was sprung. She took off the shoes and put them away.

 

“Sasori. Call up the Akatsuki and bring me spare clothes that would fit for Konan,” Sakura’s voice had anger in it; chaotic anger that always peeked his interest. The madness locked inside her always interest him; no matter the lifetime.

He got his phone from the table and decided to send the text to the group chat; not caring that the other brats will know what’s happening. It might be for their own good. He went to his room and got a large shirt and black sweats even a washcloth to wipe the blood off of Konan.

He placed the clothing on the ground next to Sakura who was slowly working out the injured while Konan used her hand that wasn’t broken to tear off her clothing; she didn’t care that she’ll be nude in front of the redhead and never was he.

Modesty stopped being important in their group a long time ago.

 

[ **_Akasuna_** ] Yahiko has been murdered. Someone also attempted to murder Konan as well. She survived but she’s severely injured. Sakura called an Akatsuki meeting at my apartment. Leave what you’re doing behind and come immediately.   
[ **_Hidan_** ] What the fuck?! So someone put a hit on all of us and not Sakura?   
[ **_Uchiha_** ] It looks like it.   
[ **_Kakuzu_** ] It might be the bounty hunters.  
[ **_Uchiha’s Brother_** ] What’s Sakura doing in your apartment, to begin with?

 

Sasori rolled his eyes. Of all things, the menace will focus on was Sakura being in his apartment. The kid never ceased to amaze him with his skill to ignore everything but Sakura being in the redhead’s company.

 

[ **_Deidara_** ] Are you fucking serious, Sasuke?! Yahiko’s been murdered. Someone tried to kill off Konan and all you wanted to know Sakura being in her boyfriend’s apartment?! Fuck off!   
[ **_Nagato_** ] Deidara is right. The Akatsuki is currently making their way to your apartment, Sasori. Guard Konan and Sakura until then. I don’t have to tell you to watch your back.

That was correct. He’s been watching his back since their first life and that’s never going to change. He will always have enemies no matter what. That’s just the dark part of Sasori no Akasuna’s charm.

 

[ _**Uzumaki** _ ] Sasuke might have a point though.   
[ **_Inuzuka_** ] Care to tell us, Naruto? The great one who always defend Sasuke’s shit.

 

Sasori’s lips twitched upwards at that. At the beginning; he didn’t want to deal with brats from Sakura’s group of friends but he realized as the group chat slowly grew along with conversations that ranged to nonsense and chaotic nonsense; they grew on him.

 

[ **_Uchiha’s Brother_** ] Sakura was followed today. It’s not wise to put her anywhere near Akasuna or any Akatsuki member.

Sasori narrowed his eyes at the message. He never said anything about Sakura being followed.

  
[ **_His Persephone_** ] How the fuck do you know I was followed, Sasuke?  
[ **Yamanaka** ] That’s a good question. An excellent one, even.   
[ **_Nara_** ] I think this whole group needs to have a meeting. Not just the Akatsuki.   
[ **_Nagato_** ] Excellent idea. Use a summon spell to get to the Akatsuki’s hideout now. The location has been changed. You have no excuses to not come.

 

He heard Konan’s hiss and he turned to look at her bruised and cracked ribs being set again and healed a moment later. Sakura works fast once she thoroughly examines her patient.

Sasori also noticed she changed into his clothes and used a spell to turn her clothes into ashes that were slowly disappearing from view and leaving no marks on the grey tiled floor. It was stained with blood and he didn’t care. It’s why he brought the apartment in the first place.

Tiled floors are always easy to clean when you turn beings into a work of art.

 

He put the food away in the fridge while Sakura prepared to use the summon spell for all three of them. He helped Konan up from the floor and they disappeared from the apartment to the hideout. They were quick to notice all Akatsuki members was here already.

He watched Nagato narrowed his eyes at Konan’s appearance and gave Sasori a questionable look at seeing her outfit. She didn’t have that on her when she went out with Yahiko who wanted to take a walk to the park.

“Her clothes were bloody and torn; I asked Sasori to lend her some of his clothes. Whoever tried to end her life clearly didn’t have just murder on their mind,” Sakura hissed out the last part after she noticed the look Nagato gave to Sasori.

Thunder was heard in the distance and they know Nagato did not like that at all.

The others began to show up and Nagato was glad to see Sakura finished healing Konan who quickly took a seat and decided to stay seated for the whole meeting.

“Now everyone’s here. The meeting will begin.”

 

xxx

 

“So you’ve been keeping tabs on Sakura. That’s your excuse for being a creepy fuck?” Konan spat once she heard Sasuke’s explanation and she was sick to the core. He’s been annoying her since Sakura moved on.

Sasuke glared at her and Konan glared right back. She worked with Madara once over three lifetimes ago; she’s not phased with the Uchiha signature’s glare.

Naruto made a face at that exchange and looked at Sakura who glanced at him before she turned her attention to her phone. Of course; she won’t be phased by Sasuke keeping tabs on her. It seemed she expected it even. Doesn’t mean she accepted it.

 

Sasori clearly didn’t accept it while he used a binding spell to hold down Sasuke down to his chair. The chatter around the large table stopped all of once. They watched Sasori got up from his seat and towards Sasuke who hissed at the burning hot threads; knowing the bastard made them hot on purpose.

Sasori no Akasuna wasn’t just a necromancer; he also kept his puppet master skills even to this decade. That’s why he’s so feared by many supernatural beings. Why he’s one of the strongest and third-in-command of the Akatsuki.

Out of a small few; his shinobi legend still stayed a legend over the years. People still fear the man who has no problems turning beings into his army and staining the grounds with their blood. Using their bodies until it's turned into shreds and that’s where he used his necromancy skills in play concerning their spirits and souls.

 

He clearly made his art come in live. Such a feared man; that Sasori guy is. One hell of a reaper; a wonderful ally; deadly enemy.

Someone that can be considered to rule the Underworld. No wonder their contact names in each other’s phone is about the Underworld couple from the Greek culture.

Sasuke thought while glaring at Sasori who smirked at his pathetic attempt to phase the redhead. He watched the man sat down on the table staring down at him. “I begin to wonder how much you keep tabs of Sakura; how thorough you are with it.”

“It’s not like you can read minds, you fuck,” Sasuke replied and he hisses when Sasori casually made the threads a little hotter and tighter in response with a small smile to go with it. He realized by looking around; no one was stopping Sasori from doing this; not even his brother.

Naruto looked down at the table when Sasuke glanced at him before he turned to look at Karin who simply stared back. She didn’t look away and he looked down at the table this time.

She always wanted him to be happy but she does value Sakura as a dear friend; regardless of the close development, it took in lifetimes.

 

“Friends before hoes,” Ino suddenly says and Sasuke looked at her for a stunned moment. He didn’t know she kept her abilities from their shinobi days intact. There were snickers from various places around the table and Nagato’s lips twitched upwards.

“Only one that Sasuke will willingly hoe himself out to is the one that Sasori killed, guys” Kiba suddenly said and Sasuke gaped at Kiba who smirked at him. He watched Shino snorted next to Kiba and Hinata, _fucking Hinata_ , covered her mouth to hide her amused smile.

Ino made a disgusted face while Sakura laughed even when she was disgusted herself. Shikamaru shook his head smiling while Chouji coughed to hide a small laugh.

Naruto grimaced and Sai rolled his eyes. Over the years; he has a greater understanding of emotions and the whole being a human again.

Neji let out a sigh while TenTen and Rock Lee avoided Sasuke’s eyes. They clearly find it cringeworthy and too embarrassed to look at Sasuke’s direction.

Temari snorted while Kankuro looked torn between amused and disgust. Not the best combination.

 

He refused to look at Gaara’s direction but he could hear his small chuckle even from here. He clearly found that hilarious.

“Thanks for the imaginary, wolf boy” Deidara whispered with a grimace and the others wholeheartedly agreed with him. The blond never wanted to know Orochimaru and Sasuke’s relationship; regardless the status. File that under Shit I Don’t Want to Know.

“As disgusting and intriguing that conversation is; Orochimaru is long dead. He clearly doesn’t have anything to do with this hit on Sakura and now Konan,” Sasori finally replied and Sasuke was half tempted to say thank you to him.

“Kabuto is still alive,” Sai replied softly and the others turned their attention to him who clearly looked calm but he was in deep thought. Naruto narrowed his eyes at that before he shook his head.

“Itachi changed him during the _Fourth Shinobi War_ though; he died a man who regained his compassion and his old self again. Besides he hasn't been working with Orochimaru for a while now. I don’t see why he would change sides all the sudden,” Naruto mused out loud.

“Kabuto works at the orphanage for the last two decades with Yamato and Kurenai watching over him,” Shikamaru pointed out. He knew from seeing it himself. He’s one of the ones that get weekly reports on Kabuto’s behavior by Yamato.

 

“I wonder why you think it might be him, Sai” Sasori replied staring at the man who tensed at the weight of the stare. He calmed down himself and looked at Sasori’s direction. He cleared his throat at an attempt to swallow the lump in it.

“Kabuto has a long history with both you and Orochimaru, after all. He used to be a double spy not only in our shinobi life but a century worth of lifetimes. Plus he’s an alchemist who also practices in dark magic; he can clearly make him a copy of him while the real one stays at the orphanage.” Sai replied and Nagato raised his brows at that.

“Ain’t Kabuto scared of Sasori especially when he killed Orochimaru in front of him in this lifetime though?” Kankuro questioned with a frown. He was there because Sasori requested him too along with Sakura, Deidara, Nagato, Konan, and Minato present.

“That doesn’t matter. He was disturbed by Orochimaru and yet he still worked with him,” Sai pointed out.

“I think you have a reason to distrust him not Sasori, yeah. You still bitter at the fact he brought back your brother with Edo Tensei all those years ago?” Deidara questioned that made Sai flinched. Sasori’s lips curved at that.

“Regardless of the side Kabuto chooses in this cluster fuck isn’t important. We need to find out who from the shady parts of the supernatural world is responsible for this.” Kisame replied while he picked the dirt from his nails.

 

“I find it funny you don’t suspect Uchiha Sasuke the suspect of the hit,” Gaara replied and that made everyone paused to look at Gaara’s direction with mixtures of emotions. The redhead calmly looked at them; his stare on a gaping Naruto for a moment too long to be necessary.

“He wouldn’t do such a thing, Gaara! What the fuck?!” Naruto yelled getting up from his seat and was forced down by Shikamaru who was sitting next to him with a scowl.

“Why not? He keeps tabs on Sakura. He doesn’t like the Akatsuki minus his brother and only his brother. He had no reaction to Yahiko-san’s death or Konan-san’s attempted rape and murder; he only focused on Sakura being in Sasori’s apartment.” Gaara pointed out. He watched Naruto about to open his mouth but his sister cut whatever Naruto was going to say.

“Sasuke tried to kill off Sakura in our shinobi life and yes; he redeemed himself. But you need to remember he always fuckin redeem himself; it’s like he never learns. He doesn’t care for Sasori at all; honestly one of Sasori’s death was because of Sasuke, Naruto.”

“That’s Sasori, though,” Naruto hissed at them. The blonde was cleaning his fists. “Sasuke’s not the only one who would want Sasori dead, guys. Don’t blame things on him please,” the blonde pleaded to his friends.

“He knew Sakura and Sasori are dating,” Ino pointed out and with that Naruto fell silent.

Sasuke had enough.

  
“Are you fucking kidding me now?! You think I would place a hit on Sakura simply because of this redhead fuck besides me?! I wasn’t close to Yahiko and yeah; it’s sad he died but I wasn’t surprised! For all we know; everyone in this room has a hit on them!” He shouted.

“Uchiha is right about the hit at least,” Kakuzu replied staring at the screen from his laptop. Everyone went quiet. Most of them were stunned by the news; even Sasuke.

Kabuto plugged the cable to connect his laptop to the widescreen that was hanging above the table that held the electronics; such as the box to watch TV, Xbox, PlayStation, WII, and a DVD & Blu Ray player.

He showed them the certain people who have hits on them.

 

 

 **YAHIKO: WANTED DEAD.**   
Reward $50 grand.

**STATUS: DEAD.**   
**KILLED BY ANONYMOUS.**

\----

 **KONAN: WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE.**   
Reward: $55.5 grand.

**STATUS: ALIVE.**   
**KILLED BY: N/A**

\----

 **SAKURA HARUNO: WANTED DEAD.**   
Reward: $60 grand (Price went up 28% last night)

**REASON:**

  * Strongest witch concerning healer, poisons, and dark magic along with pure magic. 
  * Her use of super strength is also a factor along with her ability to see dark auras. 
  * Is known to be unpredictable in battles.



**STATUS: ALIVE.**   
**KILLED BY: N/A.**

\----

 **SASORI NO AKASUNA: WANTED DEAD.**   
Reward: $5 million.

**STATUS: ALIVE**   
**KILLED BY: N/A.**

\----

 **NAGATO UZUMAKI: WANTED DEAD.**   
Reward: $5.5 million.

**STATUS: ALIVE**   
**KILLED BY: N/A**

\----

 **DEIDARA IWA: WANTED DEAD.**  
Reward: $99.5 grand

 **REASON:**   
Known as the _**‘Chaotic King’**_ ; a status served for supernatural beings that caused nothing but destruction with their abilities. The most dangerous one out of the Chaotic beings; and is known to play dirty.

**STATUS: ALIVE**   
**KILLED BY: N/A**

\----

 **UCHIHA SASUKE: WANTED ALIVE OR DEAD**   
Reward: $30 grand (Moved up 29.4% two days ago)

 **REASON:**   
Orochimaru’s prized… whatever.  
Is known to change sides without a single notice. Not reliable at all.

**STATUS: ALIVE**   
**KILLED BY: N/A**

xxx

 

Kiba was laughing so hard when he read Sasuke’s wanted poster. He knew it wasn’t funny; murder is never funny but oh my god; there were so many things about it that he didn’t where to start.

“You were worth six hundred two days ago,” Gaara amusedly said staring at the screen. He was going to focus on the prize and not the Orochimaru part. That will be too easy for him.

Sasuke scowled at him and Kiba.

“Orochimaru’s prized… whatever has a nice ring to it,” Kankuro said with a snort. It was suitable for him to comment on such a thing.

“Looks like you going to Orochimaru during our shinobi life will always haunt you,” Ino commented while she trying to stay away from that fact her best friend had a death sentence on her pretty little pink head.

Honestly; fuck them all.

 

“I find it odd only Sasuke, Deidara, and Sakura have reasons why they have a death sentence,” Shikamaru pointed out and the laughter and amusement slowly died out after that. That was an extremely good point.

“They do use their abilities for good and some normals have witnessed it,” Kakuzu replied disconnecting his laptop from the television. He changed it to the news and stopped in his tracks to watch a car accident aftermath on highway 44.

 

_“------ Zetsu and Tobi Uchiha was found dead in their car heading to their destination at 12 o’clock today. We’ve been told someone had put something in the car to cause the car accident. There were no other casualties. We are sorry to say we have lost two more young people from the Uchiha clan,” the news reporter said with a sad frown before they walked to the wrecked car._

_“As you can see; there was no chance they could have survived.” It was true; the car was wrecked and it had blood on the cracked and broken windows. The fire was already put out but it was obvious that the whole thing went in flames._

_The news reporter gestured to the covered bodies next to the car. It was already soaked from and no one would be surprised if they were burned as well._

_“You can also see a disturbing message carved into the car’s hood. The message says In certain cultures in Asia; the number 4 is bad luck; means death. 44 + 2 bodies; what are the odds? Shall we play another game, my sweet cherry blossom?” They shivered and it wasn’t from the cold._

_It was only 30 Celsius today._

 

“Oh my god…” Hinata whispered playing her hand in horror with wide eyes glued to the screen. She had wondered where the two were and she wished this wasn’t the reason why they didn’t show up.

“My sweet cherry blossom. Now, who the fuck would that be? It’s noticeable a message for Sakura but do we know anyone that has a sick obsession with the pinkette?” Hidan questioned with a frown. The deaths of the Akatsuki members along with the retired member Yahiko’s death was a shock.

“I was hoping they had a good reason to not show up. This… Was far from I was hoping,” Nagato replied glaring at the screen. He was furious at who killed three members of his group; one is a dear friend of his.

Sasori long gone went to his seat next to Sakura and in between Deidara stared at the car’s hood that was still showing the message. With a flick of his wrist; the threads that bind Sasuke slowly squeezed the young man before disappearing.

Sasuke hissed but said nothing. Now’s not the time to make crude comments.

“A moment of silence, everyone. Not just for Zetsu and Tobi but also Yahiko,” Konan replied and the group bowed their head in silence for a long moment.

The group made no move to leave the hideout and Nagato couldn’t blame them. Needlessly to say the meeting was quietly canceled.

xxx

 

**_A month and a_ _half later…_**

 

_“---- Haruno Sakura; part owner of the Konoha Hospital that has been reported as missing a month ago was found dead in the forest thirty-four miles from Konoha. Her wounds indicate she was just killed last night after the murderers done… unspeakable things to her. She was only twenty-four years old. May she rest in peace.”_

  
There was a stunned silence at the Akatsuki hideout. They knew Sakura was visiting her grandmother in Amigakure before she was reported missing. They just didn’t expect this to happen.

Kakuzu connected his laptop to the television once again and went to where the bounty hunters put the WANTED reports. He clicked on the bulletin and the others read along with him.

 

\----

 **SAKURA HARUNO: WANTED DEAD.**   
Reward: $60 grand (Price went up 28% month ago...)

**REASON:**

  * Strongest witch concerning healer, poisons, and dark magic along with pure magic. 
  * Her use of super strength is also a factor along with her ability to see dark auras. 
  * Is known to be unpredictable in battles.



 

**STATUS: DEAD.**   
**KILLED BY: TONERI ŌTSUTSUKI.**

\----

“Ain’t he the one that tried to marry Hinata for her Byakugan or somethin?” Hidan asked after he got over his shock. He stared at the remaining members of the Akatsuki.

“Yes, he was. Strange why he wanted her dead. Might have been the money or he knew a way to steal her powers; either way, I am furious,” Konan hissed.

Lots of things have changed after that.

Zetsu, Tobi, and Yahiko were buried near Ami.

Itachi was killed off at the same night his mother and father were killed. Signs said he was not the one responsible for their murders; history didn’t repeat. Uchiha Sasuke soon followed his family. Kisame was murdered the same day at the exact time Itachi was killed.

Nagato was killed last week; assassinated in his sleep while Konan was over at Ino’s. How they didn’t wake up such a light sleeper no one will ever know.

Konan was no longer on the WANTED list for unknown reasons. 

Deidara was killed by one of the Chaotic beings in a deadly battle three days ago. Like their shinobi life; he went out as a B A N G along with several other Chaotic beings. Leaving the group to disband and hideout. No one was named as the Chaotic King or Queen again.

Leaving the Akatsuki with Sasori, Konan, Hidan, and Kakuzu. They decided to disband the group after Kabuto was killed along with former members of Team 9; Kurenai’s squad.

Tsunade along with Shizune disappeared from Konoha after Sakura’s funeral. No one blamed them.

Others from Konoha Brats decided to move in Suna because the memories were too great and they couldn’t handle it anymore. Not one member of the Akatsuki could blame them.

Kakuzu and Hidan separated from Sasori and Konan a day before they were killed off due to being found on the WANTED list. Konan and Sasori decided to stick together and travel to places every month.

Two years have passed and Konan was back in Konoha along with Sasori. They were staring down at Sakura’s gravestone with remorse expressions.

 

_Here lies Haruno Sakura_   
_March 28th, 1993 - August 6th, 2017._

_& &_

_In loving memory of a daughter, friend, and lover._

 

“Would you blame me if I said I want to join the others?” Konan asked sitting down in front of the grave with Sasori following suit. She brushed off the dirt from the gravestone with a sad expression.

Sasori gave her a look before he shook his head. He was thinking of the same lines. After Konan and he found Toneri and killed him off; taking the money he still had from his bounty; they missed their friends and lovers.

“Don’t be surprised if I join you right after.” Was all he said.

 **END OF ACT ONE:** **_YOU’VE BEEN HIT; BABY!_**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

**WELL SHIT. That took an unexpected turn for the worse, huh? I am surprised I only felt a little hurt when I killed off Sakura. Like she’s my favorite, you know? It’s a weird fic that’s going to be filled with an unknown number of one-shots. So next act will have Sakura and the others alive. Don’t worry about that.**

**I left the ending purposely like that because that subject can be very uncomfortable. I didn’t even want to write it. I choose Toneri on random; there’s no reason.**

**This was just going to be a crack fic with references but nooo. Hope for next chapter.**

**I will inform you that I am abandoning _NOT A FAIRY TALE_ sadly. I don’t know what else to write when the idea was only a small idea where Sasori and Sakura reunited at the hospital. It was either that or jail; I kid. It was a hospital meeting.**

**_DID YOU MOVE ON?_ will not be abandoned though. So look forward that.**

**Bye everyone~!**


	2. ACT TWO: SIN, SIN, SIN!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bunch of nonsense and borderline sinful conversations in the group chat. Ya know; the usual.

**NARUTO doesn’t belong to me nor anything that’s Copyright mentioned.**

**I kept certain things from ACT ONE in this chapter. Enjoy~!**

\-------

[  **Questionable Man** ] Yo blondie; you threw a sword at me last night. The fuck's was that about?  
[  **Quiet Leader** ] There are four blondes in this group, Hidan.  
[  **Atomic Blonde** ] I honestly wished I was surprised; yeah.  
[  **Flower Wife** ] I threw it because I wanted you out of my house.

Sakura raised a brow at that and shared a look with Sasori who simply rolled his eyes a moment later. She spent a week in his apartment and she was honestly wondering why she just doesn’t move in. 

 

She can handle him making his art. It took five lifetimes worth of patience dealing with it, but the thought is what counts. She just doesn’t know how to approach the idea with him. It’s no secret that her man likes his privacy. 

 

“You’re overthinking about something. Just share your thoughts; you have no problem with that,” Sasori’s voice broke Sakura from her thoughts and she was torn between pouting and glaring at him for the no problem comment. 

 

“... Well. Your apartment is big enough for us.” 

“Yes; that is correct.” 

“Have you entertain the idea of us moving in with each other?” 

 

There she said it and she anxiously waited for his reaction. His face gave nothing away and his bangs (she has to remind him to trim them) are long enough to cover his eyes so she couldn’t read them. Over the years of them finding each other and getting together; she learned how to read him. 

 

“Yes.”

“Well! Let’s move in together. Most of my stuff is digital and some books that cannot be digitalized are locked up in my bag that is like the Tardis,” she said with a grin and she wasn’t surprised or offended when Sasori made it clear that he rolled his eyes. 

 

He pushed his bangs from his face and gave her a long look before he nodded. She rewarded him with a big smile and several kisses on each cheek. He smiled a little in response. 

 

Honestly; it was no surprise to their friends when they received the news of them moving in together. Some of them helped Sakura move into Sasori’s apartment even. 

 

“Did you and Hidan makeup? You were getting along with him or at least tolerating him,” Sakura questioned Ino who let out a snort in response. The pinkette took that as a no and helped Ino out sorting the medical stuff along with the magical stuff she has up in her arsenal. 

 

“He pissed me off too much. He can be entertaining to read with the group chat you came up with. It’s just he acts like nothing happened in our shinobi life. I know I am supposed to let it go because it’s the past but no. He killed Asuma and Mirai was left without a father.” Ino hissed out in anger before she punched the desk in an impulsive move. 

 

Sakura opened her mouth to say something, but she closed it. She wasn’t going to defend Hidan for the sins he did in their shinobi life. She just wishes to tell Ino that Hidan became a bodyguard to Asuma as an apology for murdering him. 

 

She wished to tell her that Hidan, even when he has no filter with his mouth, have conversations with Kurenai and Mirai who was reborn again. Watched him get punched across the face by Kurenai who punched him again for good measure. 

 

Hidan told her not to tell Ino about anything. He just told her that Ino was better off hating him because the blonde won’t forget the past; he told her when she asked why. 

 

So she kept quiet and let Ino rant about Hidan and how heartless he can be. The pinkette just focused on packing up her stuff and shipping the furniture back to Jiraiya and Tsunade. 

 

She wondered if Ino and the others noticed that the Akatsuki have redeemed themselves whether in their shinobi life or other lifetimes. Why she gave them a chance for that and the members know that too. 

 

She’s just going to let them draw that conclusion to themselves. 

 

xxx

 

“We should have done this after we spent two years together; not eight,” Sakura replied with a small laugh before she laid her head on Sasori’s lap who only ran his hands through her pink locks. She watched him stare at her with fondness (that he only showed in private) before he went back to jotting down the ideas for new poisons in his notebook while the television plays as background noise. 

 

“I highly doubt you wanted to move in with me when you were eighteen and was just discovering that you are capable using dark magic; like I expected you to be,” the redhead replied and that sent Sakura’s heart to beat because of the flattery and his faith in her and her skills. 

 

“Hey. You confessed you have entertained of me moving in with you over the years,” she mocked scolded him ragging a finger at him who pinched her cheek in response. 

“Sakura. I was hunted down by Orochimaru during that time. I wasn’t going to let him kill you off like he did in five lifetimes we were together again. It wasn’t worth the risk at all.” He replied and Sakura went quiet after that. 

 

One of the reasons why she hated the snake so much wasn’t him just fucking up Sasuke’s life but also Sasori’s for the fun of it. She could care less that she pisses him off and he ends up killing her when he has an opening to do so. 

 

As long he doesn’t kill off Sasori (and Sasuke because they are dear friends); she’s fine dying to save them even when the boys hated that about her.

xxx

**_A month later…_ **

Sakura’s beginning to agree with Sasori about the group chat to be a bad idea on some days. Like today for example; like holy shit.

[  **Questionable Man** ] I wonder if putting a dildo on a bike would encourage me to fucking ride the thing.  
[  **Fishy** ] It’s Monday. It’s too early in the week for this shit.  
[  **Questionable Man** ] It’s never early in the week to fuck with people.  
[  **Origami Goddess** ] How would you even fix the bike to hold the sex toy?

 

She gape while Sasori snorted reading over her shoulder; they were in line at the grocery store today. They both have days off of their day jobs. Early in the past; people that weren’t normals hide and only came in the towns for supplies but now; they can blend in and only other supernatural beings can sense they are one of them. 

 

It helped a lot of the years. Being burned at the stake was never fun. That was the least favorite death of Sakura in her life's. Worst life in her life---lives. 

 

[  **Questionable Man** ] You know; I dunno. Which one of you fuckers wanna try it out?  
[  **Naru-Chan** ] You bought it up. You try it.  
[  **Money Lover** ] Hidan; don’t you dare try it. I will pawn the bike if you do.  
[  **Questionable Man** ] Why don’t we have Tobi do it? He’s always a bitch that wants to please the Akatsuki.  
[  **Quiet Leader** ] I highly doubt Tobi would even go near your sex toys.

She snorted when she laughs and she hide her face against Sasori’s shoulder when someone turned to look at the couple with a disgusted look. Sasori glared at the person in response and they quickly looked away. 

[  **Atomic Blonde** ] You can superglue the dildo on the bike and hope on it after you use a lot of lube to prepare yourself.  
[  **My Hades** ] I am amused that you thought of this.  
[  **Atomic Blonde** ] Eh. I got nothing better to do.  
[  **Wolf Boy** ] The size, guys. How big do you want the dildo? You can’t put the extra large ones on a bike; for fuck sakes.

 

Sakura laughed at that while the couple moved up the line. She heard Sasori let out a small chuckled in response as well. 

 

[  **Questionable Man** ] It has to be small as the vibrators that Spencer's have. Any bigger than that; people are going to wonder what the fuck’s wrong with you.  
[  **Ying Yang Gone Wrong** ] I believe they will take one glance at you and already wonder what’s wrong with you.  
[  **Fishy** ] You’re questionable, Hidan. Normals can just tell by a glance.  
[  **Questionable Man** ] Your skin is fucking blue and Zetsu’s have an oreo mix to his skin. You two are the fucking last ones to talk about my appearance.

 

Sakura and Sasori shared an amused look before they finally,  _ finally after fucking fifteen minutes _ , got up in front and they started to put the food on the counter. The cashier wasted no time at checking in the items and placing in bags; fed up with their job already.

Sasori took care of the cost giving Sakura a look when she tried to pay for it and put the bags into the cart and they pushed it towards the entrance and walked outside to their car. It was a  _ 2015 black Chrysler 200 _ that belonged to Sasori. Sakura mainly drives it due to Sasori needing her truck for work and his art. 

 

The truck was a  _ grey 2016 GMC Sierra Denali _ and she loved it so much. Especially when she wants to get away from the city and into the country to relax.

As soon they got to the car and put the groceries inside the trunk; Sasori drove it back to the apartment while Sakura read what they missed in the group chat. 

 

[  **Bite Lover** ] That’s so fucking hilarious.  
[  **Kagura Ain’t Got Nothin** ] What happens to you if it hits right at your prostate? Are you going to hide in your moan or make the ‘organsm’ face?  
[  **Atomic Blonde** ] Oh my fuckin god…  
[  **Questionable Man** ] …. I honestly don’t fuckin know.  
[  **Origami Goddess** ] You should try it, Hidan.

 

“I want to see this. It’s sickening but it’s entertaining and interesting enough, you know? It’s morbid and wrong but it’s Hidan and that’s just who he is,” Sakura said putting her phone in her pocket and helping Sasori out with the groceries. She read it out loud and she received concern looks from the other attendants but neither cared about that. They were used to being different and having this kind of people as friends were proof.

“Knowing Kakuzu; he will pawn the bike,” Sasori replied rolling his eyes. He wasn’t curious enough to see how it would work but it is entertaining to discuss even when he wasn’t part of the conversation. Truthfully; he rather stayed that way. 

 

“He ain’t fun at all. He’s the Grinch who never redeem himself.” Sakura commented carrying half of the bags while Sasori smirked in response before opening the door to their apartment; grateful that he lived in the first story and his car (and Sakura’s truck) was in view.

“You should tell him that.”  
“Fuck you.”

There was no heat and they both gave each other small smiles before they went back to get the rest of the supplies from the car and locking it up. They toed off their shoes at the mat and Sakura bumped her hip to close the front door. 

 

After they put the groceries away and decided on something quick to eat for a late lunch; they settled down on the couch with their phones charging by them. Sakura turned the television on to cartoons ignoring Sasori rolling his eyes with ease.

xxx

“That discussion about the dildo bike was entertaining to say at least,”  Konan replied while Nagato hummed in agreement. They were waiting for the others to get to the hideout and even if they use the location spell to make it easy; they don’t take advantage of their powers. Which something Nagato and Konan was graceful of. 

 

Once everyone came; they began the meeting to discuss plans on how to keep the five nations from making any wars. They learned that lesson the hard way with the very people that they befriended over the years.

Things can change over the years if you let it.

“You ever noticed how close that Kazekage and Uzumaki got closer to each other over the years? As if they’re the couple but the one where they deny they are.” Kisame commented when the meeting came to an ending and the others were just watching a show on television. 

 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they did announce they were dating; they got that kind of vibe. Hell; they were close in our shinobi life,” Nagato replied sorting out the bills and the ads from each other. He wouldn’t mind seeing his cousin and the Kazekage together.

Konan gave Sasori a look who returned it with a raised brow. “You're acquaintances with the Kazekage; do you know anything about that?” She asked him with a raised brow as well. She was curious enough to see if they had another relationship with each other.

“All I know about that is that Uzumaki and the Kazekage shared kisses and cuddles with each other during our high school years, from what Sakura told me,” Sasori replied with a shrug before he went back to fixing the small puppet that got damaged due to a small battle with an alchemist he came across recently. 

 

“That’s adorable,” Kisame commented. He, like the others, was curious enough to discuss such a thing. They have truly over the years; Kisame thought to himself.

They were about to discuss more if the channel didn’t change to the channel they used to detect battles going on in a hundred mile distance. All members paid close attention to a battle that was the outskirts of the city. 

 

Once they saw the pink hair and a certain somebody; most of them were alarmed. They watched Sakura dodged Orochimaru’s attack with ease even when a couple trees got destroyed in the process. 

 

“Holy shit; what the fuck?” Hidan commented with both brows raised. As far he knew; Orochimaru was laying low and not having any contact with Sakura.

“Deidara. Sasori; go kill off the snake. I’m getting sick of him,” Nagato ordered and with that; the artist duo left to join Sakura and Orochimaru.

xxx

“You were fucking laying low! Why the hell did you have to wreck the peace?!” Sakura shouted grabbing Orochimaru’s sword; not caring if her palm bleed and blood fell to the ground, and pulled it away from her body. She wanted one damn day that wasn’t stressful; honestly, fuck the snake. 

 

Orochimaru only gave her an unreadable look before he summoned a snake to wrap around Sakura’s neck who glared at him with such hatred that he smirks in response. “It’s been too peaceful; Haruno. There must be chaos in our kind of the world; after all.” 

 

He was about to command the snake to squeeze her even more until she couldn’t breathe and break her little neck but he was interrupted by having screeching hot threads wrap around his throat and it caused him to release the spell that held the snake. 

 

Sakura stumbled and coughed while rubbing her throat in response. She flashed Sasori a thankful smile that he returned it with a nod. Deidara was the one who pulled her far away from the snake and his annoying sword. 

 

“Nagato sent out orders to kill you off, and I couldn’t agree with him more, Orochimaru,” Sasori commented watching his threads made Orochimaru’s skin tore and blood came running down the man’s neck who resisted the childish urge to bare his teeth. 

 

“Do you have what it takes to kill me off, Sasori? I would love to see what you can with those powers of yours. Perfectly not on me; but knowing you; you would have used me anyway.” Orochimaru replied in response even when it came out broken. 

 

Sasori resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the man even when he was tempted too. “I got several ideas for your death; I would like to try the most favorited one.” With that; he yanked Orochimaru harshly to the ground and watched the man stumbled on his knees to balance himself. 

Orochimaru narrowed his eyes in response.

Sasori walked closer to him once he used more threads to bound Orochimaru’s arms and his legs in place. Once he was close enough; he yanked Orochimaru’s mouth opened and forced a liquid that tasted like battle acid and dares he say; sewage down the man’s throat. 

 

Orochimaru gagged and tried to spit the vile liquid out but Sasori sewed the snake’s mouth shut with a small smile. He watched Orochimaru’s eyes begun to bleed and the pupils to turn completely black.

The poison he created was specially made for Orochimaru. He planned everything. He requested Sakura’s help to make some noise close to Orochimaru; enough for him to take the bait on killing her off because that damn snake could never resist that. 

 

He used Orochimaru’s hatred towards his girlfriend to kill him off and it’s working out perfectly. He loved watched Orochimaru struggle and he took that as his clue to lay the elder man to the ground and he went to work out breaking the clothes and skin; sawing through the bones and throwing them away to get the organs that were slowly rotting away. 

 

He threw them on the ground; glad he took Sakura’s advice to wear gloves for this part to come in play. The black market can make great uses for the organs; rot or not. There’s always a supernatural being that would need them. 

 

Once he was done tearing out Orochimaru’s heart of his body; he finally used his necromancing skills to rot the body until nothing was left but black ashes that disappeared as well. He then used his skills to tear apart Orochimaru’s soul that he couldn’t be reincarnated again. 

It took over fifty lifetimes, but he finally made his promise to kill off Orochimaru. He was very pleased while he works to place the organs in the bag he had with him; a bag that Sakura lend him with a smile after he told her the plan earlier. 

 

“Holy shit, yeah. I gotta say you looked like you planned this. Your expression is way too satisfied,” Deidara commented while he observed the redhead who only gave him a look in response. 

 

“What if I did plan this? Nagato wouldn’t mind. He did want the vile snake dead,” Sasori replied in response while he accepted the hand that Sakura gave to pull himself up. He knew the others were still watching from the hideout and could hear every word now that two members of the Akatsuki are at the location. 

 

“You did plan this?! Oh my fucking god, man. He could have killed off Sakura!” Deidara shouted just to be a shit because he wasn’t surprised; in fact, he bet Sasori only allowed him to come along to watch the show. He did enjoy the show though.

Sakura snorted at that while she healed up the gashes she received from that damn sword that she glared at. Honestly, her favorite atomic blonde can be such a drama Queen. She didn’t have to look at Sasori to see he rolled his eyes. 

 

“Sakura and I planned this earlier while you and the other discussed the bike. We thought it was a good time to kill off Orochimaru and it was as you clearly see. Stop being a brat, Deidara.” Sasori replied with a shrug before he walked off to where the black market was; knowing the other two would follow. 

 

xxx

 

**_At the Akatsuki hideout…_ **

 

“You gotta give that fucker prompts. Using the group chat to his advantage to discuss the plan was brilliant. It would explain why we didn’t hear anything from them,” Hidan commented clapping towards the television that went back to the channel they were previously watching.

Nagato’s lips twitched in response. This was why he put Sasori as his third-in-command. That man was indeed a force to be wicked with along with his girlfriend. They were quite a powerful couple. 

 

“This called for a deserved celebration. I don’t care that celebrations cost money; Sasori killed off Orochimaru. It needs to be celebrated,” Konan replied giving a look towards Kakuzu who calmly gave one back but he said nothing. For once; he would not mind the celebration. 

 

“Can we tell the other the news?! It would be a nice party and they can bring their stuff!” Tobi shouted with a glee giving a big whoop and throwing his fist in the air. He always like parties. 

 

“Eh. Just text the group instead. They don’t have to come to the celebration.” Kisame replied with a shrug. It wasn’t like he dislike their company; he just knows some people in that group doesn’t get along with Sasori or even Deidara. 

 

“I’ll do it. It would make sense if I write it considering I’m the closest to Sasori other than Deidara,” Konan replied getting her phone out of her coat and texted the group chat. 

 

[  **Ami Angel** ] Orochimaru has been eliminated. Sasori has finally made due to his promise. We are having a celebration in Sasori’s honor; optional to come. 

 

It took a few moments until they begun to reply and the rest of the Akatsuki pulled up the phones to see the responses. 

 

[  **Hinata** ] Is that why I sense magic out of the outskirts?  
[  **Ino** ] Damn. It must have been brutal. I hated that I missed the fun.  
[  **Naruto** ] Sasuke and Karin sensed Sakura’s magic as well. Was she there?

Of course; those two would sense Sakura’s magic.

[  **Mence Priest** ] Pinky was battling the snake until Sasori fucking appeared to kill him off.  
[  **Sasuke** ] Why was she battling him the first place.  
[  **Salty Redhead** ] Because it was the plan Sakura and I came up either. Have her make destructive noise near his hideout and have him come out to play with her.  
[  **Troublesome Blonde** ] Before you get pissed off at Sasori; Sakura gave him her consent and she also created the plan. Not just him, yeah.

 

Konan let out a sigh before she placed her phone down on the table with a frown. It doesn’t matter that Sasuke dislikes Sasori; he should at least know the redhead will never put Sakura in his plans if he didn’t think she was capable of coming it out alive.

xxx

“If you get your head out of your ass; Sasori’s plan did work. I can’t sense Orochimaru at all,” Karin muttered at Sasuke who only gave her a look that she shook her head with a glare aimed at him. “Sakura has always been reckless in every life we have cross paths with her; it’s not Sasori’s fault at all.”

Sasuke knew that. He was teammates with her and her husband for fuck sakes. It just makes him worry about her. He doesn’t trust Sasori but he’ll give him a benefit of doubt. 

 

“You did some bad shit as well,” Ino pointed out typing something out on her phone before giving Sasuke a glance that made him grimace in response. She cut Karin off when she opened her mouth to say something,”whatever you’re going to say is going to be biased because of your feelings, reddy.”

Karin’s cheeks colored in embarrassment and anger. She stopped herself from the urge to throttle the blonde when Temari and Sai gave her a cool look at her direction. They were heading to the hideout for the celebration, not a confirmation. 

 

“Let’s party and not focus on all the shit that got us into a mess, okay? Orochimaru is dead. We gotta celebrate alright,” Kankuro pointed out. The others nodded in agreement and they walked in the entrance of the hideout and down the steps.

The celebration was fantastic with only little drama. That is considered great progress. 

 

xxx

**_Three weeks later…_ **

 

It was during her lunch break at the hospital when she came across a vampire looking at the blood bank with hungry eyes. Sakura frowned before she walked up to the other being that gave her an unreadable look.

“You're not supposed to take anything from the blood bank. That was the oath you made with Tsunade, vamp,” the pinkette hissed in annoyance. The vampire only gave her a pout and a small glare in response. 

 

“I am hungry, child. I must feast or I’ll harm a normal.” It replied making Sakura hissed in response. It simply smiled at her back; amused at her annoyance.

“Why can’t you be like the vamps up North?! They hunt and feast animals, for fuck sakes.” Sakura hissed out glaring. 

 

The vampire frown at her. “How about we make a deal? I feast on someone that just died before the blood gets too sour for my taste and we never bring this up again. I’ll take what I can get without swallowing a few blood packs in this bank, hmm. 

 

Needless to say; Sakura went along with the deal. She didn’t see the vampire near the blood bank again and she knows Tsunade knew what happened because she always watched the security cameras when the vampire has a shift.

Tsunade only gave her a small nod with a look of approval in her eyes that made Sakura smile. 

 

Two hours after the lunch break and the deal she made with the vampire was when the group chat came to life again. They’re lucky she’s at her office during that time. 

 

[  **Fishy** ] Sleeping is so pleasing. Why the fuck do I deprive myself of it?  
[ **Independent Woman** ] It’s called insomnia.  
[  **Fishy** ] Ah. That makes a lot of sense.

Sakura huffed at that.

[  **Atomic Blonde** ] Will I ever have my shit together, yeah?  
[  **My Hades** ] Considering it’s you; I’ll say a solid no.  
[  **Atomic Blonde** ] Can someone other than the rude bitch answer my question?  
[  **Origami Goddess** ] I’m agreeing with Sasori.  
[  **My Hades** ] I’m more of an asshole than a bitch, but I’ll take what I’ll get from you, Deidara.

She couldn’t help snorting at that.

[  **Questionable Man** ] No one has their shit together in this group; let’s be real.  
[ **Fishy** ] We all fake it for the show. That’s what's being an adult is about.  
[  **Yin Yang Gone Wrong** ] Take it from Hidan, Deidara. Compare to him; you got your shit together.  
[  **Questionable Man** ] The fuck is that suppose to mean?!  
[  **Yin Yang Gone Wrong** ] It means you’re the definition of the word mess.

 

She tried to hide her smile but she couldn’t. Sakura even giggled a little which earned her weird looks from patients and her co-workers but she didn’t seem to notice. 

 

[  **Hina Honey** ] He’s not that bad, guys.    
[  **Wolf Boy** ] Yes, he is. You’re just being polite, Hinata.  
[  **Atomic Blonde** ] This is making my day, yeah.  
[  **Questionable Man** ] Fuck all of you.  
[  **Flower Wife** ] Fuck yourself instead.  
[  **Quiet Leader** ] Fun time is over. Go the fuck back to work.

 

It was absolutely amusing that Nagato thought this was fun. 

 

xxx

After her shift was over; Sakura found Sasori waiting for her at the reception desk looking like he wanted to leave the place already. Sakura rolled her eyes but she almost stopped in her tracks when she came in the hearing range of the receptionist trying their best to flirt with him.

Rage was what she was feeling and considering the long look Sasori gave her; he felt her magic slowly turning sinister and rageful. Sakura glared at the woman in response and Sasori shook his head with an amused small smile. 

 

“--- There’s a good place to eat dinner, sir. I’m sure you would love it,” the reception said sweetly leaning over the desk pushing her breasts up in the process. She even has the nerve to wink at him and Sakura was close to punching the woman’s face in.

The woman was about to say more when she jumped in fright when Sakura slammed the paperwork she was carrying with her on the front desk. The reception looked at the doctor in shock and didn’t notice Sasori turning the other direction to hide his smirk. 

 

That madness locked up inside her has always interested him. 

 

Sakura smiled sweetly at the woman who looked a little scared and the pinkette wouldn’t be surprised that the reception is seeing the anger in her eyes, “be a dear and stop flirting with my boyfriend or I’ll punch your fucking face in.” She wasn’t even going to sugarcoat it.

Sasori allowed a small chuckle out at that before he straightened up from leaning against the front desk. He calmly grabbed the pinkette’s fist before she made true to her promise and pulled her towards the entrance leaving a gaping and pale receptionist behind. 

 

He didn’t stop her from grabbing his arm and placing it around her shoulders with an annoyed huff. Together; they walked back to their apartment deciding not to drive today. That was when Sakura noticed something.

She eyed Sasori when he looked both ways from a one-way street before crossing the said street along with her. Okay, that was odd. 

 

“How come you looked both ways? It’s a one-way street, Sasori,” Sakura questioned with a frown aimed at her. He looked down at her even when he was only three or four inches taller than her. 

 

“That’s how much faith I have for humanity.”

“You never had faith in humans even in our first life.”

“Glad you at least got that from the fight we had. Instead of blindly trusting my grandmother.” 

 

Sakura grimaced at that. She can admit she took Chiyo’s side without knowing their story. She did admit it was horrifying to see the grandmother that supposedly loved her grandson looked so  _ proud _ that she caught him off guard with the puppets that resemble his parents.

“What do you suspect? I was still a little green and thought the world was black and white,” Sakura hissed in response and Sasori rolled his eyes. 

“At least your native respective didn’t get you killed during the fight and the fourth war. Count that as congratulations.” He remarked with dark amusement earning an elbow to a side. He frowned at her before he pulled her towards their apartment. 

 

“Halloween is coming up. Should we set up a haunted house?” Sakura asked with a sly smile while Sasori looked intrigued. Last time they and others set up a haunted house; they used their magic to scare the shit out of the normals. It was absolutely fun.

“Sure, but this time pick a better location. Don’t give in Hidan’s idea being at the abandoned mansion up the hill on the outskirts of northeast Konoha. The damn cops put the haunted house to a stop,” Sasori replied giving her a look. 

 

Sakura only smiled at him in response. 

 

**END OF ACT TWO:** **_SIN, SIN, SIN!!_ **

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**This is short and not really humor ish but no one in the group died; so that’s positive. I should do an October filled one shot. Maybe, I’ll think about it.**

**I hope you like this ACT. Next ACT will probably be awhile.**

 

**Bye, everyone~!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normals are humans.   
> Beings are humans born with magic and even supernatural legends. 
> 
> Normals have a natural lifespan while beings can live up to forever but they're shits; so they get killed off. If they get killed off; they get reincarnated again. If they die naturally (and this rare); they will not be reincarnated again. 
> 
> Magic is the chakras of modern day. It has various colors of auras; not just the classic black and white. 
> 
> Normals; grey. No expectations.   
> Beings: black, white, blue, pink, purple, and red. 
> 
> Here's some info for this strange reincarnation AU.


	3. Hades: Come Out and Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have Sasori in the Chaotic Nonsense verse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure this is short but here you go. This was supposed to be Halloween theme but I had no such luck after I posted the previous chapter and DYMO's chapter. A golden star for the attempt.

**NARUTO doesn’t belong to me nor anything copyright mentioned. Please enjoy~!**

 

**So; I decided to try something out. Have a Sasori in the Chaotic Nonsense verse. You will notice how different he became to be during all the past years to the present. On another note; I decided to put the shinobi life as history. No longer as myths to make things easier.**

 

**Anyway; hope you like this one-shot~!**

 

\---------------

 

It’s not unusual for Sasori to wake up to Sakura cuddling him in her sleep nor is it to see Deidara on the other side of the King’s bed snoring. He noticed with relief that the blonde took off his dirty battle-torn clothes off him before he went under the covers.

 

The first time he did that; Deidara quickly found out that our favorite puppetmaster still has limited patience with the blonde’s shit. Only if Konan and Sakura didn’t stop Sasori in time; he would have turned Deidara into a puppet and sell him off to the black market. He still does have standards for his puppet collection, after all.

 

He got shit for that comment from the blonde but he knew Deidara wasn’t surprised.

 

Sasori let out a sigh and even a slightly deeper one when he glances at his phone (deep inside he’s grateful that he turned off the brightness when it gets dark) to see it was 3 in the morning. As long he has remembered; he never had a good sleeping pattern.

 

He slowly got out of Sakura’s embrace and left the bed and the bedroom altogether. He headed towards the small laundry room to check to see if Deidara put his clothes in the washing machine like he previously did a week ago.

 

He took them out to observe them for a moment with a small frown. They only have minimal tears but that won’t matter to Deidara considering what he wore during their shinobi life. Sasori just threw them into the dryer along with the other clothing that was inside the washer. He turned on after he was done before he heads off to the kitchen.

 

Not caring enough to turn on the light; he opened the fridge and looked inside to see he still has leftovers from what Sakura cooked yesterday. He simply grabbed the items and placed them on a plate. He placed them in the microwave for three minutes before he washed the dishes.

 

When the food was finally done; he ate while he was leaning against the kitchen counter staring at nothing; deep in thought. Considering he killed off Orochimaru permanently that he couldn’t be reincarnated again; other enemies backed off in the shadows.

 

He didn’t like that. It leads them time to think up a plan and concerning what happened to Kabuto; he doesn’t want to resort to an inside spy. History clearly repeats with this group, after all.

 

After he was finished eating; he washed the dishes again and put them back inside the cabinets before he walked towards the room he stores his artwork.

 

He eyed the work desk after he turned on the work before he set out to make new poisons. It’s always a good thing to be prepared even when you will never know what will happen in the future.

 

**xxx**

 

**_Eight hours later… at the Akatsuki hideout._ **

 

“--So you’re saying you think a succubus have their eyes on you?” Nagato questioned staring at Hidan who gave him a nod looking serious but a little delighted. Nagato resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The redhead wished Hidan will at least be serious without his infamous delight over the mayhem.

 

“Why would someone have their eyes on you anyway?” Kisame asked while he ignored the heated glare he got from the priest with ease. The shark-man was so used to Hidan’s glares that he didn’t even find them amusing anymore. How depressing is that?

 

Hidan rolled his eyes at Kisame’s reaction before he spread his hands to show himself with a shit-eating grin. “Take a look at me, you fish-fuck. Who wouldn’t want me?”

 

“Everyone in this room comes to mind,” Sasori replied dryly before he gave Hidan what a real glare looks like when Hidan turned his glare at him. The redhead’s lips twitched when Hidan stopped glaring at him after that.

 

“Of course the puppet-fucker wouldn’t want me; he has the blonde hoe in his sights along with the pinky,” Hidan replied rolling his eyes. He eyed Deidara who gave him a look before he turned to see Sasori already eyeing him with no amusement in his eyes.

 

“I truly hope the succubus sucks you dry, Hidan. Draining someone’s energy can be just as troublesome as their blood,” the redhead replied softly. He wasn’t amused and it showed especially when everyone felt his magic appeared and leaned heavily against their souls that made them all tense.

 

Sasori was not in a good mood they can clearly see. Nagato gave the other redhead a look for a moment before he coughed to gain everyone’s attention. While the others turned to look at their leader; they felt the dark magic leave their souls in peace.

 

“Any leads on the succubus, Hidan? You didn’t do anything to edge it on? You tend to make a mess whenever you go nowadays,” Nagato commented displeased eyeing Hidan who made a face at him.

 

“Just know they’re a woman with purple hair or some shit. I couldn’t see them all well when someone tried to drug me as soon I saw the succubus’s real form,” the silver-haired man replied looking at his nails. He missed the speechless looks from several members gave him.

 

“How come you didn’t mention you were nearly drugged in the first place? This makes all the difference, you jackass,” Konan hissed out while she rubbed her forehead in frustration. The woman clearly couldn’t believe how careless the silver-haired man could be.

 

“It doesn’t make the difference since they have horrible taste in victims,” Deidara replied before he flipped off Hidan when the silver-haired man glared at him this time. The blonde yawned in response when Hidan threatened with violence.

 

“It does, actually.” Itachi voiced out and the others turned to look at him in confusion expect Sasori who didn’t care about what’s going to happen to Hidan and Kakuzu who looked bored considering he finished counting his money the third time.

 

“A succubus never needs to drug someone they have their sights on. They work similar to sirens. The victims are drawn in and then they strike when they see an opening; supernatural or normal doesn’t matter. They can hypnotize about anyone they wish,” the Uchiha explained.

 

“Maybe someone wants to land a hit on Hidan; **he’s a little bitch to nearly everyone he meets after all**.” Zetsu replied and he flashed a grin with all of his sharp teeth when Hidan glared at him.  He found it amusing when Hidan made a face towards him in response.

 

“Speaking of little bitches; what got up your ass, Sasori?” Kisame questioned with crackle before he suddenly choked when he felt hot burning threads wrapped around his neck and squeezed. There were several alarmed voices after that.

 

It took Itachi releasing a magic spell that knocked out Sasori to free Kisame from his clutches. He watched a shocked Deidara caught Sasori in his arms and he was shocked as well. It wasn’t the first time that Kisame commented Sasori being a little bitch but it was the first time; the blue-skinned man nearly got murdered for it.

 

Sasori wasn’t just in a terrible mood; something, in general, was wrong and no one can tell what’s wrong with since the redhead will never tell them. They doubt Sakura knows what’s going on. Maybe they should take the risk and call her.

 

There’s a chance she might know what’s going on. She’s quite observant considering her boyfriend.

**xxx**

 

**_At the same time… during lunch break at the Konoha Hospital._ **

 

Sakura frowned at the young woman who only gave her a look returned. “Look; I know you’re madly in love with this guy or want to fuck him and ditch; whatever, I don’t care. I care when you try to bring him into a room that you think is good enough for a quickie.” The pinkette woman replied with a bored stare and a large hint of tiredness in her tone.

 

Why can’t they have a day where something that doesn’t go to shit? Is that too much to ask?

 

The woman pouted in the pinkette’s direction. “It was good enough until you walk in and interrupted; Miss Noisy,” she hissed in annoyance. She watched with small amusement of Sakura’s eye twitched in annoyance in return.

 

“This little Miss Noisy is your boss; dumbass. Learn some respect and maybe; I don’t know, keep your hormones in check. We are at a hospital. Not a hospital setting used in whatever you watch concerning porn,” the pinkette doctor hissed in return. She watched a smile at the young woman’s eye twitched this time.

 

Maybe the small things can make your day if you let it.

 

“I do have a name, doctor.”  
“So do I, but I don’t see you using it. I believe in fairness. You use my name than I use yours, got it?”

 

The two women glared at each other.

 

Sakura was about to carry on when her phone rang and she sighed in annoyance before she asked an amused Ino to discipline the woman who only shrugged. She watched Ino grabbed the woman and took her a little rough out of the room she was caught in. The man was already taken away by displeased Shizune ten minutes ago.

 

With a sigh; the pinkette picked up the phone during the fourth ring without checking the ID. “So; you better have a good reason why you’re calling during work hours,” she replied with tiredness in her tone. She was about to say more but she was cut off by a panicked Tobi.

 

“Sasori-sempai tried to kill off Kisame!” Tobi shouted over the phone and Sakura dropped her phone in shock; lucky enough it landed on the leather couch she was sitting on. She hastily grabs it and when she was about to say something; Tobi shouted it was no time for questions; just be get over here before he hangs up.

 

Sakura did just that after she explained the matter to Tsunade who raised her brows and her mouth dropped a little after hearing why the pinkette has to leave so early.

 

Watching from the window; Tsunade saw Sakura raced to her car and drive off to the Akatsuki hideout with a frown. “Sasori… You better have a good reason or Nagato will have to put you down ordered by Minato and Rasa,” the blonde muttered under her breath.

 

**XXX**

 

**_Akatsuki hideout…_ **

 

As soon Sakura got in the place; she was transported by Nagato who only nodded to where Sasori laid on the couch. She saw Deidara having Sasori’s head on his lap with a thoughtful expression on his face before the blonde glance at her.

 

“What the hell happened? Will someone please tell me?” Sakura demanded to head straight to Sasori and placing him in her arms. She sat down on the couch next to Deidara who only fixed Sasori’s legs to lay on his legs instead off the couch.

 

“We were talking about a succubus hunting Hidan down. We talked shit about him because his reactions could be entertaining enough. Hidan made a crude comment about Deidara being Sasori’s side hoe with you as his girlfriend,” Itachi replied giving a look when Hidan glanced at him in annoyance.

 

“He clearly wasn’t amused when we felt his necromancy skills brush against our souls and leaned heavily against our spines. That should have clued us on not to mess with Sasori because he wasn’t in the mood for games,” Konan added her two cents. She watched Sakura stiffened at that before she relaxed her tense muscles when Sasori made a disapproving sound in the pinkette’s arms.

 

“We all know how Hidan is. We also know how Kisame likes to crack jokes just to amuse himself. Sasori didn’t like being called a little bitch so he choked Kisame with his threads. It had to take Itachi to release a spell to knock him out, yeah” Deidara finished the tale.

 

Sakura was about to say something but she closed her mouth when Sasori finally opened his eyes. The redhead sat up with a frown glancing at everyone in the room who looked ready to attack him if he decided to use his powers.

 

“I admit my reaction was overdramatic; calm the fuck down already. Itachi knocking me out proved it enough; as amusing that is.” Sasori replied leaning against the couch staring at Nagato who was watching him.

 

“You do know if this continues I will have to put you down ordered by Rasa and Minato. We can’t have a rogue magic user on loose. It will leave the normals at risk; not just finding out magic actually exists but their lives in grave danger,” Nagato replied and he wasn’t amused in the slightest.

 

Even when Sasori was a dear friend and an excellent comrade; Nagato will still kill him for peace. That’s just how the Akatsuki works out due to learning the hard way on their methods to bring peace in their first life.

 

“I have never implied that I am going rogue, Nagato. Hidan isn’t the only that being hunted down by a supernatural. I have enemies other than Orochimaru. I am simply fucking on edge,” Sasori’s voice normally monotone had a hint of anger in it.

 

Nagato raised a brow intrigued by this. Even when the anger is not normal; it didn’t interest the other redhead. What interested him was Sasori being on edge by his enemies.

 

“What kind of enemies are they if they bring someone _like you_ on edge?” Nagato asked.

 

That was interesting. With Orochimaru; it was Sasori being on guard and using supernatural (shinobi before that) as his spies to keep an on the snake. The snake never put the redhead on edge.

 

“You know me, Nagato. Do you want to know who’s my enemies?” Sasori questioned instead staring at the other redhead who frowned in response. That response brought up tension from the others.

 

“Will a war break out because of them?” Nagato asked giving Sasori a displeased look. The redhead wasn’t pleased in the slightest. Because yes; he knows Sasori and his bitchy attitude that will attract unwanted attention. It could also be his bitter as a plain coffee personality who only lightens up with his girlfriend.

 

He’s not even going to include Sasori’s poker face, intelligence, and his deadly weapons in that. It’s too obvious. That redhead sure has flaws but Nagato can’t speak about that. It’s not he, himself, doesn’t have flaws.

 

“I doubt they would go down that road. A simple death battle in the Suna desert will do the trick. Most of them came from Iwa, Suna, and former Sound anyway.”

 

The tension died after that.

 

**XXXXX**

 

**_A week later…. At the Konoha Brats hideout._ **

“Your boyfriend has other enemies than Orochimaru. So the snake wasn’t the only one that brought Sasori on edge, did I get that right?” Ino questioned once Sakura finished her tale. The pinkette nodded and Ino let out a sigh.

 

“I’m not surprised. Sasori is the type of person to piss people off by being himself,” Kiba commented snatching up the last pepperoni pizza slice before Chouji who let out a frustrated sigh.

 

“That’s the best kind of person to hang out with,” Temari replied leaning against her seat watching the others. The blonde knew who the enemies were and frankly, she didn’t blame Sasori for being on edge. Old enemies from the shinobi days weren’t a laughing matter.

 

Karin frowned in response at the same time Sasuke did.

 

“He has enemies that put the bastard on edge. He’s the worst person to hang out with,” Karin replied frowning in disapproval at Sakura who didn’t bother hiding rolling her eyes.

 

“Please. Your boyfriend over there started a fucking war in our shinobi days and not to mention; you help him track down the bastard that got us in the war. Pot kettle on people with shitty choices.” Kankuro replied with a snort.

 

“That was in the past. You can stop pulling that card,” Sasuke hissed out in annoyance.

 

“Why not? You don’t like the treatment you and your bitch give to Sasori?” Kankuro replied giving the couple an unimpressed look. The atmosphere was thick with tension at that.

 

Kiba pursed his lips in amusement because it was true. Those two give Sasori so much shit that’s it hilarious when they get shit because of that fact.

 

Naruto winced at the response and this time he decided to not defend Sasuke in this argument. The blond actually wants to stay on Sasori’s good side.

 

Karin narrowed her eyes at Kiba. “I am not a bitch,” she hissed out.

 

“Please. You can be the biggest bitch in this group if you can’t get your way or you dislike someone for a bullshit reason.”

 

“It’s not a bullshit reason! He tried to kill Sakura!”

 

“It was a fucking battle during our shinobi days! The fuck was you supposed to do?!”

 

“From my understanding,” Shikamaru cutting in because apparently, they can’t have a nice night out without bitching about issues that aren’t really important, “Sasori tried to kill off Chiyo-sama. Sakura got in the sword’s way to save the older woman.”

 

“He still harmed Sakura,” Sasuke responded this time.

 

“You tried to kill her off during the Kage Summit. You also stabbed your bitch in the response to get Danzo because you were being manipulated by Obito. You literally can’t pull that card. It only sounds like you’re just finding reasons to dislike Sasori out of your ass,” Kankuro replied with a raised brow.

 

Ino made a face at that. Now that was something you can’t respond to but knowing those two; they will find a way.

 

“As entertaining this conversation is; we came here to relax from work. Can we return back to that? Honestly; this shouldn’t be a problem to be concerned about. We all have enemies that put us on edge; stop pointing fingers at Sasori-san.” Gaara replied after that.

 

“It sounds like you’re jealous that he has Sakura and you no longer don’t,” Sai added his two cents. It sure sounds like that to him and he’s sticking by his opinion regardless.

 

Oh.

 

Sakura’s eyes widened and Kankuro grinned like the Cheshire Cat. Gaara let out a chuckle and Naruto nearly choked on his drink after hearing that.

 

It even got more entertaining watching Sasuke and Karin’s reactions to that.

 

“Ho ho, did Sai hit the mark?” Kankuro asked with sadistic glee. He wasn’t usually a sadist but this situation called for it.

 

“Fuck off.”

“Aww; he got offended. You hit the bullseye. Great job, Sai.”

“Kankuro, you piss me off.”

“Likewise, bitch. The feeling’s totally mutual.”

 

Laughter came after that from the large table near the back of the restaurant. The laughter stopped once someone called out to them.

 

“Who would think that? That would be the case you don’t like me,” a familiar voice rang out and the Konoba Brats turned to look at the Akatsuki wearing various expressions of amusement.

 

Sasori had an amused expression on his face staring at the brats. That was simply entertaining to eavesdrop.

 

“Do you have to be here?” Karin snapped in annoyance.

 

“You are indeed the biggest bitch,” Sasori responded. He only gave Karin the sweetest smile when she growled at him.

 

“Ok, ok. This is fuckin’ enough.” Sakura hissed out in annoyance. She’s getting so sick of this bullshit.

 

“You two,” the pinkette growled out pointing at Karin and Sasuke’s direction, “need to fuck the fuck off. Sasori’s been my boyfriend for nearly three centuries. Get the fuck used to it, okay? Stop being a bitch for no reason to him. It’s driving me up the roof hearing your bullshit.”

 

Now, this is real entertainment, Gaara mused with a smile.

 

Karin was about to open her mouth when Sakura growled at her; giving her the nastiest glare she ever received from the pinkette. “Fuck off,” the pinkette repeated rudely pointing at Karin.

 

“Damn. This made my month,” Kiba responded grinning.

 

_**END OF ACT THREE: Hades; Come Out and Play!** _

 

**\--------**

 

**I felt like I was dragging this out so here’s the third chapter; hella short sorry. I was planning on the battle between Sasori and the enemies but it just doesn’t fit in the story anymore. I will just say Sasori left a bloodbath scene, ok? With some injuries that Sakura bitched about.**

 

**Maybe next chapter could be something that’s light enough. Hope for that.**

 

**Did You Move On is still going on. I just lost muse for it. I’m sure it will be back in a jiffy.**

 

**See ya.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything you want to see in the next chapter? I might be able to do it.


	4. ACT FOUR: Hey Callout Culture~!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we have Sasori being his usual self with others behind the wheel of his asshole self.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated towards jacpin2002 who mentioned the two words 'Sasori' and 'babies.' This one-shot is for ya, pal.

NARUTO doesn’t belong to me or anything that’s Copyrighted.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“No.”  
“Please.”  
“No.”

 

Sakura let out a sigh staring at Sasori who only gave her a look in return. It wasn’t much; she’s asking. She just wanted her boyfriend to come with her to work so they can spend some time with each other. She does the same for him! 

 

“It’s my work--”

“I know it’s for your work, Sakura. I am not fit to do this.”

 

The pinkette frowned at that. “You can at least try to see if you are, sweetie.” She got the most disgusted look from Sasori so she only smiled in apology. Nicknames weren’t his thing and trying to use one to get him to do something for you is the wrong way. 

 

“I don’t ever want to be around screaming babies especially who was just born.”

“You were a screaming baby! Hundred or more fucking times!”

“How would I fucking remember that?!” 

 

Good point. 

 

“Please, just once. You have the patience for children.”

“ _ Children _ . Not screaming shit babies.” 

“They are  _ not _ screaming shit babies, oh my God.” 

 

Sasori raised his brow at Sakura before he let out a sigh. “If one pukes on me; I’ll leave you alone with them.” He knew this was a bad idea but his girlfriend was stubborn and persistent to the point of him getting a headache so he will allow this. 

 

Sakura smiled and embraced him in a tight hug shouting he wouldn’t regret it. Sasori only sighed in response. 

 

XXX

 

“I hate this,” Sasori told her while handing a clean diaper to the pinkette who only beamed at the redhead. He gave her an annoyed look in return. Of all days; she wanted him to come would be the day that Tsunade ask her to babysit the babies in the children’s wing of the hospital. 

 

“Does Tsunade even know that he’s here, Dr. Haruno?” A nurse whispered to Sakura giving Sasori a narrowed eye look which he only returns with a cold one. She quickly turned her attention back to the pinkette who frowned at her. 

 

“Please don’t be hostile to Sasori, nurse. Plus, she knows. In fact, she suggests him coming to this place!” Sakura revealed with a beam. The pinkette saw the nurse gave her a blank look and heard Sasori muttering are you fucking serious before the redhead walked towards his belongings. 

 

“Oh no! You’re not leaving! This is fun!”  
“To you, it is!”  
“You weren’t complaining!”

 

The nurse resists the urge to say he’s been bitching ever since he came inside the room. It would not be wise to provoke the pinkette’s wrath on her. So she just watches Sasori gave the pinkette a disbelief look in response. 

 

“I’ve been complaining even before we got here, Sakura.” 

 

So she was right. The nurse still kept her mouth shut and she caught Sasori eying her and she quickly excused her to the other side of the room. 

 

“Babies are fun, Sasori.”

“To you, they are.” 

 

The nurse decided to leave the room. She chooses a good moment to do so because if she did; she would have become suspicious when the argument came to down… odd things. 

 

“Babies. Are. Fun.”

“You used to be a mother during our shinobi life from what I heard. Of course, you think that.” 

“Maybe I want to be a mother again!” 

 

Silence. 

 

Sakura’s eyes widened at her outburst and she watched Sasori blinked at her for a moment before he slowly shook his head. She frowned at him. “Why not? We’ll be great parents.”

 

“I don’t want children…” Sasori muttered before he turned around to look at his messenger bag. He heard Sakura let out a sigh and she came to him. He turned to look at her with a frown. 

 

“I know you don’t. I just want you to see the joys of having babies around you.”

“One of them nearly throw up on me. Another one pissed on that nurse that left earlier. They are not ‘joys to be around.’” 

The pinkette kept frowning at him which Sasori let out a frustrated sigh. 

 

“I don’t want to be a father, Sakura. Leave me alone.”

“ _Hey_. **_No_**. I won’t leave you alone, what the fuck. I get the fact you don’t want children. You don’t think you’ll be a good one…”

 

Sasori looked at her quickly which made the pinkette only smiled in response. It was obvious to who know Sasori especially like Sakura that would be in the redhead’s mind. 

 

“The holidays are here. Just buy yourself a cat or some animal to make up for it.”

“You rather deal with an animal peeing on you? The animal leaving you a lovely present in your shoe? Or, oh I don’t know, making one of your puppets a scratching post?” 

 

She was having so much fun teasing Sasori. Although she wouldn’t mind having a pet at their place.

 

Sasori rolled his eyes and he heard his phone buzzed but he paid no attention to it. “Just for that; I hope a screaming shit baby piss on those jeans.” 

 

Sakura gape at him horrified. How dare her lover say that! 

 

“Don’t say that! These are my favorite jeans!” 

“Which is why I said that.” 

“Ooo you! Get!”

 

Sasori resisted the urge to snort. Instead, he stayed where he was and he got a kiss awarded on his cheek by the pinkette in response. He watched her carry on to the babies and he finally turned to look at his phone with a raised brow. 

 

**[ Jackass ]** Why are you at the hospital?   
**[ Akasuna ]** I don’t see why it’s your business.    
**[ Jackass ]** It is when you’re around people who can’t defend themselves. 

 

Oh. Uchiha is getting on his last nerves. Sasori legitimately has no patience for this shit. 

 

**[ Akasuna ]** Fuck off. Go do something productive and not stalk me.    
**[ Jackass ]** Oh? Did I hit a nerve? 

**[ Akasuna ]** You know, Sai might be right. You’ve been a little bitch to me since I got together with Sakura. 

**[ Jackass ]** Sai is wrong. You’re a criminal. I need to keep an eye on you. 

 

Yeah, sure kid. Whatever you say. 

 

**[ Akasuna ]** Your record isn’t exactly spotless either, hypocrite. 

 

After five minutes passed with no reply, Sasori’s lips curved into a small smile before he went back to help with Sakura when she called for him. Sometimes you just gotta enjoy the little things. 

 

XXXXX

 

Naruto stared at Sasuke’s screen in silence while Kiba desperately tried to hold in his laughter after reading the texts between Sasuke and Sasori out loud. The blonde eyed Sasuke who only gave him annoyed look in return. 

 

Shikamaru had the balls to say, “you do realize he’s right about being a criminal, Sasuke”. The dark-haired man told him while leaning against his seat. Out of the corner of his eye; he witnesses Chouji and Lee nodding in agreement. 

 

“I stopped being one in our shinobi life. He hasn’t,” Sasuke remarked frowning at Shikamaru’s direction. 

 

“The Akatsuki aren’t criminals like they used to be,” Kankuro voiced out frowning at Sasuke. When was Sasuke going to realize due to how Sasori was raised and his past in all life's; he has to do those jobs no one wants to do right? 

 

“It doesn’t matter.”   
“No, it fuckin’ matters plenty. Your issue with him isn’t being a criminal. Your brother is an Akatsuki and he’s a criminal as well. Your real issue is Sasori personality.” 

 

Naruto made a face at those words and he looked at Gaara who only nodded to confirm what Kankuro was saying. The blonde let out a sigh. He wasn’t the biggest fan of Sasori but the guy does try his hardest for Sakura. 

 

Kiba let out a whistle and simply gave Sasuke a look when the other glared at him. The brunette couldn’t care less. Kankuro, without a doubt, made a valid point. 

 

“You have treated him cruelly ever since Sakura got together with him,” Neji commented with a frown. He wasn’t a fan of Sasori but he has notice Sasori only becomes rude to Sasuke when the dark-haired start shit with him. 

 

“If I have met him during our shinobi life; I would still treat him like a criminal,” Sasuke replied while he resisted the urge to roll his eyes. 

 

“Our shinobi life; you were with Orochimaru and later on Obito. You legitimately don’t have the fuckin’ right to give Sasori shit when you willingly worked for those two criminals.” Kankuro hissed out. 

 

Kiba coughed into his hand and pointedly looked away from Sasuke’s direction. The others tried to hide in their wince at that. Gaara, on another hand, didn't hide his smirk. 

 

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Kankuro.  He watched Kankuro do the same. He was about say something if Kankuro didn’t cut him off. 

 

“Sasori wanted Orochimaru dead ever since he personally worked with him in our shinobi life. He also never cared for Obito; so he wouldn’t have minded him dead as well. You, on another hand, needed those two to complete your fuckin goals and not give a shit about anyone else in the process to complete it.” 

 

Oh shit. 

 

Sasuke’s face fell flat and he stared at Kankuro wordlessly. He made a face towards the puppeteer's direction before he stared down at the floor. 

 

“Now that is something, yeah,” a voice called out from a short direction. The person who voiced that out was the last persons Sasuke wanted to see right now. He turned to look at Deidara staring at him with Itachi and Obito behind him. “Oh that’s just bad luck,” he heard Kiba whispered towards Shino who nodded in agreement. 

 

Bad luck, indeed. 

 

“You do realize Sasori has always made ways to kill off Orochimaru in our past lives, right?” Obito asked with a puzzled look on his face. He decided to not wear his mask today so the others got to see the damaged eye and scared face on that side. 

 

“Sasori is indeed a criminal and he won’t deny it; but he will give you shit if your record isn’t clean, yeah. And well, Sasuke, your shit in our past has been written in history.” Deidara replied with a shit-eating grin that made Sasuke wanted to punch his face in. 

 

“I’m sure you’re only saying that because of your connections with Akasuna,” Sasuke finally replied with a frown. 

 

“Just leave him alone,” Naruto finally said something. He didn’t care that others looked at him in surprise. The blonde stared at his best friend who was giving him an unreadable look. 

 

“He hasn't done anything wrong to you personally. He and Sakura are in a happy relationship that’s healthy. He does jobs that we refuse to do, Sasuke. Just leave him alone already, geez” Naruto finished leaning against Gaara’s side who simply reached his hand to pat the blonde’s. 

 

“Well, that’s something.”    
“It took us how many years & lives for Naruto to tell Sasuke to fuck off?” 

“Eh. It hasn’t come yet.” 

 

Naruto rolled his eyes at Kiba and Shino’s conversation. The blonde and others watched Sasuke simply got up from his spot and walked out of the room; taking time to glare at Deidara along the way. 

 

Deidara smiled and waved at him in response. 

 

God. He’s so tired. 

 

XXXXX

 

It’s not a usual thing when Sasuke’s magic was close enough for Sakura to look up from her lunch in confusion. She noticed that Sasori rolled his eyes before he took another bite of his own lunch. Huh, odd. 

 

She smiled at Sasuke when he walked into the room searching for her--- no, Sasori. She watched him narrowed his eyes at the redhead and let out a sigh of response. “Sasori,” she whispered, “did you do anything to gain Sasuke’s attitude?” 

 

“He always had an ‘attitude’ towards me,” Sasori whispered back. He didn’t look like he cared about it; which was true. The day the redhead cared about people’s feelings towards him was the day he stops being himself to make them happy. 

 

Ah, of course. Sakura let out another sigh and glanced at Sasuke who walked towards Sasori and grabbed his arm and tugged roughly. He received white hot threads laced around his throat for the troubles by the redhead. 

 

“You do not touch me again, do you understand?” Sasori softly replied staring up at Sasuke who only glared at him. The redhead only tightened the blinds which made the dark-haired man’s eyes water and his face to slowly turn red. 

 

Sasuke, at that time, let go of Sasori’s arm. At that moment; Sasori let him go and went back eating like nothing of the sorts happened. 

 

The pinkette, on another hand, was gaping at the men. “Are you fuckin’ serious? What did you do to him now, Sasuke?!” 

Sasuke turned to look at her with a frown. Did she not witness the scene? “I only grabbed his arm and tried to tug him out of his seat. I wish to speak with him.” 

 

“You could have,  _ I don’t know _ , ask to speak to me. Instead of being difficult like you’re currently doing,” Sasori replied instead. He looked absolutely tired. The redhead only gave Sasuke a nod of acknowledgment when the Uchiha snared at him. 

 

Sakura literally has no time for adults acting like children. Literally none. No fucks either as that recently (were it recent?) saying goes. She has a job and that’s being a doctor. Do these two not know how stressful that is? No? Okay. Whatever; she’ll gladly show them. 

 

“Okay, children. Looks like mama is going to give you a lesson you really need to keep in mind, alright?” Sakura suddenly announced getting out her seat and slamming her palm on the table to get the men’s attention. Which she got. 

 

“Mama? Really? You think they got that kink?” The three adults heard and they noticed Kiba, Kankuro, Naruto, Deidara, and Itachi followed Sasuke. They, on another hand, choose to stay by the door; keeping their distance in case this got ugly.

 

“Kiba,” Sakura commented smiling, “if you value your balls, I suggest you be quiet, okay?” She asked sweetly with a warning in her tone. 

 

Kiba mimicked zipping up his mouth and giving her a thumbs up as well. The pinkette resisted the urge to sigh and roll her eyes. 

 

Anyways. “I don’t care what’s your problem is with Sasori, Sasuke. I honestly don’t. It bothered me at the beginning but whatever, I couldn’t give a shit even if you paid me to. What I care about is that you’re giving Sasori shit about whatever you think he does. I’m sure you have the wrong conclusion to that. He’s not the man you think he is, alright.” The pinkette said pointing at Sasuke who frowned at her direction.

 

“Sasori, sweetheart, I’m sure you haven’t done anything wrong personally to Sasuke. I know you don’t start shit unless someone gives you something to bitch & fight about. I know your personality can be one of the huge factors of you gaining someone’s, like Sasuke, attention. You are an asshole after all and you know that.” Sakura said staring at Sasori who only gave her nod. 

 

“Ah love,” Kankuro whispered. He got an elbow to the side thanks to Kiba who only mimicked zipping his lips when Kankuro narrowed his eyes at him. 

 

“You do realize he’s been a criminal since our shinobi days, Sakura?” Sasuke questioned her still frowning. 

 

The pinkette gave him a look. “Your record isn’t exactly spotless either, Sasuke.” 

 

Sasori let out a small laugh before he gave Sasuke a pointed look. The redhead heard loud laughter coming from Kiba and Kankuro; which caused him to smirk a little. 

 

“I have learned my lesson about that, Sakura.” Sasuke hissed softly. 

 

“Apparently not if you’re giving Sasori shit about his record.” Sakura fired back. 

 

To most of their shock, Itachi let out a small chuckle at that. “Little brother, you do realize that everyone here has a record, correct? Not just from our shinobi days.” 

 

“Yeah, don’t act like the bitch that hasn’t done anything wrong. We all know the fourth shinobi wouldn’t happen if you didn’t get so easily manipulated by Obito, yeah.” 

 

“That is behind us.”

 

“It won’t ever be fuckin’ behind us if you keep giving Sasori shit about his days, yeah.” 

 

Sometimes, Sakura mused, the callout culture can actually be used for good. It just depends on the person, she supposes. 

 

“You do realize we are inside the room filled with babies?” Naruto asked staring at the said children with a smile. “It’s a happy room, guys. So let’s not argue and enjoy the peaceful aura these little guys are giving.” 

 

“He’s trying too hard,” Kiba whispered towards Kankuro who simply shrugged in response. 

 

“We wouldn’t know. We have never had children in all our lives,” Kankuro whispered back. 

 

Sasuke scoffed. “I highly doubt this one,” he gestured to Sasori, “had an enjoyable time here.” 

 

“It was enjoyable without you here now I think about it,” Sasori replied dully. 

 

Sakura had to bit the tip of her tongue to keep from laughing but a small smile did appear as result. 

 

“Do you always have to be a bitch, Akasuna?”

“I don’t know, Uchiha. Do you have to be? That’s the real question.” 

“I am not a bitch.” 

 

“Could have fouled a lot of us, man” Kiba’s comment was heard. 

Sasuke resisted the urge to flip Kiba off.

“Inuzuka is right, Uchiha. You’re either a little bitch or a jackass towards me,” Sasori replied with a small smile. 

 

“I am neither.”

 

“You made a lot of jackass moves in the past and even this life,” Kankuro commented with a shrug. 

 

“Not to mention; your personality towards him doesn’t come off as friendly…” Naruto mumbled looking out the window; staring down at the cars with a frown. 

 

“Why do I have to fix my attitude when he doesn’t?” 

“He’s not acting like a brat that’s not getting his way, yeah.” 

 

Rich was hearing Deidara, of all people, saying that to Sasuke, Sakura muse amused. 

 

“Okay; everyone out,” Sakura said making shooing motions with her hands. The pinkette gave the men a look. “Only ones that should be here is Sasori and I, not you.” 

 

“I still need to speak with him,” Sasuke replied staring at the redhead who gave him an unreadable look. He and others watched Sasori let out a tired sigh. 

 

“You've reached my patience, Uchiha,” Sasori replied getting up from his seat and stared at Sasuke who only gave him a look in return. 

 

“I do not harm innocents. I am not Orochimaru nor your brother. In case you forgot; he did slay everyone in your clan; women and children when there was only handful of Uchiha’s that wanted to riot. He also fucked with your mind all in the name of love,” the redhead replied softly with a small smirk. 

 

“You want to see me as a criminal who has no morals simply because of my past; you should do the same for others. This attitude of yours? It just shows you have a personal problem with me.” Sasori finished with a raised brow. 

 

Deidara held back a wince and he risked a glance at Itachi who only gave him a look. He watched the dark-haired man nodded to confirm Sasori’s words. The blonde frowned at him and gave him a look. 

 

_ ‘Did you learned your lesson?’ _ Deidara mouthed. 

_ ‘Yes, extremely.’  _ Itachi mouthed back. 

 

That’s what matters. 

 

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Sasori; angered at his words. He was about open to his mouth and give him a piece of his mind if Kankuro didn’t interrupt. 

 

“What your brother did is true, man. It’s written in history. It doesn’t matter how much he hated it or how much he was pained by it; he still played mind games with you; the Uchiha massacre was caused by him. If you try to defend him; you’re being biased because Itachi is your brother, someone you pretty much spent nearly your childhood and teenage years vowing to kill him while pushing everyone who gives a shit about you away because  _ ‘ they are weaknesses, avengers' don’t have any ’  _ bullshit.” 

 

“Besides,” Kiba suddenly said looking at Deidara and Itachi, “your brother knew he fucked up big time. He’s not even denying it.” 

 

“He did it to protect me from getting killed by someone else,” Sasuke hissed out. “Our parents still understand why he did it.” 

 

“Does your other family members understand?” Kiba questioned. 

 

“No, they do not. I am fine with it. I am fine with my criminal past. I forced myself to accept it. My little brother should too. I am not the big brother he knew before the massacre happened. Sasori-san is correct; Sasuke.” Itachi replied before his brother could say anything. 

 

Sakura pursed her lips staring at Sasuke. The callout culture? Yeah; might still be a good thing especially with their big group. It will help fucklouds of issues they got. Honestly is and will always be a good thing. 

 

“Don’t you dare offend Orochimaru either. Once Sasori reborn and grew up enough; he’s been killing off the snake since. It’s fucked Orochimaru got to live after the war with a life stay in his own house; doing experiments to his liking when half of the shit that happened was because of him.” Kankuro voiced out. 

 

“Not to mention; Yamato was forced to watch him as ‘punishment’ for sharing secrets with the enemy that he was manipulated to by one of the fuckers that easily manipulated you, Sasuke. Not everyone got a happy ending,” Kiba finished with a frown. 

 

“C’mon; let’s not do this, guys,” Naruto tired if he wasn’t interrupted. 

 

“No, lets,” Sasori replied staring down at Naruto who winced before he stared down at Sasuke who was glaring at him. “It’s pointless to defend ones you had a bias for, isn’t Uchiha? Why don’t you tell me what’s the fuck is your problem with me, hmm?” 

 

“Don’t be shy. We’re among friends,” Sasori finished with a sneer. 

 

“I don’t see why she would bother with you when you’re not redeemable,” Sasuke hissed out. 

 

“Hilarious coming from someone who started a war, tried to kill her off among your friends and had plans to kill their whole village or become a Hokage just to make people suffer because your brother suffered. Selfish prick,” Sasori replied softly. 

 

Sasuke glared at him but Sasori was far from finished. 

 

“You went willingly went with Orochimaru because he taunted you about your brother. You killed Danzo because you were ordered to by Obito who saw the use for you before he was redeemed. War, attempted murder, willingly working with an wanted criminal, easily believing the wrong people and pushing people that care about you will be on your shoulders until your last life.” 

 

The redhead whispered coldly and the ones present can just feel his magic affecting the temperature as well. 

 

“I hate Suna but I didn’t want to bring it down. I wanted to leave the place and never return. I would let someone else do it because Suna wasn’t my problem to destroy. I’ve fought in the third war and I was forced to battle in the fourth because you and others can be so fucking dumb with your goals because you couldn’t get your way.” 

 

“Who really is redeemable, Uchiha? Who has really learned what redemption really is? I had Kankuro and Sakura to help me out the most with that; my grandmother just wanted me dead because she failed.” 

 

“You, on another hand, left your village to start your redemption alone. Fully knowing you could easily have help from the ones that give a shit about you,” Sasori finished. 

 

Yeah, ouch. Sakura grimaced at that and she knew Naruto done the same. 

 

“I believe,” Tsunade voiced out coming here once she sensed Sasori’s magic, “that’s your cue to leave Akasuna alone, Sasuke. He has been nothing but civilized to the children, patients, and other co-workers. Be a dear and fuck off my property.” 

 

Naruto was the one that had to grab Sasuke’s arm and dragged him out of there simply because he was wordlessly staring at the redhead who was staring back. 

 

Sakura laced her fingers with Sasori’s while staring down at his hands. There will always be a part of her that still love Sasuke, she knows that, but Sasori… What she feels for him pales in comparison to Sasori. 

 

She still doesn’t care enough to pinpoint how that begun. She doesn’t mind it one bit. 

 

XXXXX

 

Three days later…

 

“So you’re saying that Sasuke completed stopped his whatever with Sasori?” Ino asked shocked. She was staring at the pinkette with wide eyes. She watched her friend nodded with a smile. 

 

“Well shit… Never thought I’d see the day. That’s good, okay. Whatever Sasori did to him; sure got him to fuck off.” The blonde replied with a small smile. 

 

“I still think it was uncalled for,” Karin voiced out moody. 

 

“That’s because you’re Sasuke’s girl” Temari replied with a snort. 

 

Karin rolled her eyes at the woman’s direction. “Sasori could have worded it better at least.” 

 

“Nah,” Ino dismissed with a wave, “Sasuke needed to hear it from him. Sasori’s blunt as fuck and Sasuke needed the wake-up call from someone that he was giving shit to.” 

 

“Sasori being polite?” Temari questioned shock. “Since has he ever been polite? Maybe as a child, maybe. But now? Yeah okay; like fuck, he’ll be polite to someone giving him shit. Shit, no one ever needs; he ain’t an exception.” 

 

“That’s what love does,” TenTen replied gesturing to Karin who gave her a look, “making everyone who won’t stand for their S/O’s shit their sworn enemy.” 

 

Sakura choked on her drink while Ino and Temari threw their head against their seats and crackled towards the ceiling. Hinata only covered her mouth to hide a small smile out of politeness, of course. 

 

“I think,” Ino replied almost breathlessly, “that’s what love does with Sasuke’s S/O.” 

 

“All of you can go fuck yourselves,” Karin hissed out with an eye twitch. 

 

“You’re willing to part one of your endless vibrators for me to do that?” Temari mocked. 

 

Sakura crackled at that while Karin stared at Temari with a red face. 

 

Bad friends, good times. 

 

**_END OF ACT FOUR: HELLO CALLOUT CULTURE_ **

 

XXXXX

 

**Well. I hope like this one shot, everyone. Chaotic Nonsense is such a great stress-reliever for me especially when I’m on writer’s block for my seriousness fics.**

 

**IDK when the next update of C.N. would be.**

 

**There’s not much to say about this ACT other than to say; this will be the end of Sasuke being an asshole towards Sasori in this whole series. I was getting tired of it, okay. I’m sorry if you loved it but it kept draining me.**

 

**See ya later, babes.**


	5. Enchanted Life Ain't Sunshine & Daisies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The enchanted life ain't always sunshine and daisies. Sometimes you get from the magical reincarnated life is relationship changes, character development, unexpected redemptions, awful salty friends, and getting too fucking tired to fight anymore. 
> 
> It's more dramatic than the Kardashians.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda quit editing the format because it was long and I'm tired but I shall go back to it someday. 
> 
> Warnings: mature humor, uncomfortable imagery (will link later), some uncomfortable discussions, and the usual warnings for Chaotic Nonsense.

**NARUTO does not belong to me; nothing copyrighted does.**

**Here's something from the Chaotic Nonsense verse. It's about time I update this one, right?**

**TFLN, Pinterest, Tumblr inspired. Regular warnings of mature humor and some admitting disturbing images. Read as cautionary you can. Enjoy.**

 

**Like almost always; heavy on the texting because it's admitting easier for this verse.**

**I will note that I decided to hint at what era Sakura and Sasori got together. I probably have the math wrong but just assume they've been together for years.**

\------------------------

Sometimes she wondered how she got the idea for a group chat considering what kind of group the Crazy Lot had. So many different personalities crashing would be hell but it can be extremely entertaining as well. The pinkette figured today was the of the days where it was Hell on Earth mixed with Heaven here and there.

Whoever named them Crazy Lot paid too much attention or had no idea how right they are.

Shall we see what's happening on her phone? Let's duck it up~!

**XXXXXXXXXX**

[FISHY] **ATTACTS IMAGE  
** [FISHY] Anyone wanna shop there with these mannequins?  
[MENACE PRIEST] Is that Sasori's relatives?  
[HADES] Hilarious.

[FLOWER WIFE] Did you visit Hell?  
[FISHY] I've saw the entrance.  
[KARATE KID] They are smiling! It's happy, guys!  
[MENACE PRIEST] These the times where I fucking wonder if you're on drugs.

Sakura wondered the same thing with Lee but that's honestly just his personality. Besides concerning how he acts when he's around alcohol; she doesn't even want to see what happens if he tried drugs. Lord help them.

[KARATE KID] I am not on drugs! This is the power of the youth!  
[MENACE PRIEST] ….  
[KISHY] I think he's asking you to visit the gym.  
[MENACE PRIEST] My schedule is booked this month, sorry.

Sakura grinned despite herself.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] Ya know I wish I didn't clicked on the link when I hadn't had my coffee yet.  
[ORIGAMI QUEEN] It's nearly one pm.  
[ATOMIC BLONDE] Yeah, and?  
[FLOWER WIFE] No wonder the office is quiet today.

Sakura smiled at that. She loved her wife sassing her step brother. It was amusing.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] Fake laughter.  
[FLOWER WIFE] Go get your coffee. You're not you when you're coffee deprived.  
[HADES] He's more manager when he doesn't have any.  
[FISHY] He's calming when he's asleep, you mean.  
[HADES] Technicalities.

 

Sakura snorted before she pocketed her phone to start another load of paperwork before she drowned in like she almost did two months ago. Just because she put her phone on silent does not mean the conversation ended. Here's the results.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

[ATOMIC BLONDE] I am a fucking delight.  
[HADES] If you squint with the sun in your eyes, yes.  
[ATOMIC BLONDE] Man. Fuck you.  
[MENACE PRIEST] You! A delight? Well shit. You're the farthest away from being that.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] What would you call me using one word? Get fucking creative.  
[FLOWER WIFE] Diva.  
[HADES] There you go.  
[ATOMIC BLONDE] She's my step-sister. Of fucking course she's going to think I'm a diva.

[FISHY] If the shoe fits.  
[MENACE PRIEST] Dick.  
[ATOMIC BLONDE] Glad to know you're self aware.  
[MENACE PRIEST] You're a fucking laughing riot, man. 

[HEY SOLDIER] Honestly we're all dicks. It's why we hang out.  
[MONEY-LOVING HOE] In small doses. If I had to hang out with you all the whole day; several will be killed.  
[MENACE PRIEST] I'm sure you would be fucking killed too.  
[MONEY-LOVING HOE] You're on the list.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] He's been on that list for years. Just check it off your bucket list, honestly.  
[MENACE PRIEST] See? This shit is why you ain't a delight.  
[ATOMIC BLONDE] I can name you a situation where I am delightful.[HADES] Itachi's bed.

Jeez Louise.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] **KNIFE EMOJI** **SHIT EMOJI  
** [HADES] **SMIRKING EMOJI  
** [ORIGAMI QUEEN] Men. Act like adults.  
[ATOMIC BLONDE] I can't adult today. Try again.

 

[ORIGAMI QUEEN] Think of your paycheck.  
[ATOMIC BLONDE] :/  
[ORIGAMI QUEEN] c:  
[FISHY] How come you hadn't fire Hidan for not being an adult?

[ORIGAMI QUEEN] Who knows.  
[LOVE BITES] Those mannequins remind me of that video where someone did a makeover of Olaf from Frozen.  
[FISHY] I'm kinda afraid to ask.  
[LOVE BITES] **ATTACTS VIDEO**

[ATOMIC BLONDE] I still prefer Frozen over those fucking minions.  
[FLOWER WIFE] Let it go~! The cold has never bothered me anyway.[ATOMIC BLONDE] Didn't an army unit sang along to that song?[FLOWER WIFE] Yes.

[HEY SOLDIER] There's a video where an army unit sang Barbie by Aqua during a march.  
[PERSEY QUEEN] I love that.  
[WHISKERS] They could do that?  
[SHADOWS] As long they are shouting, they apparently can.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] Didn't we have the video where Hidan sang the Barbie song?  
[MENACE PRIEST] No.  
[MONEY-LOVING HOE] **ATTACTS VIDEO  
** [MENACE PRIEST] You're definitely the hoe in the bro department.

[MONEY-LOVING HOE] As long I'm not your hoe; I'm fine with that.  
[FISHY] Didn't you two married in Vegas?  
[MONEY-LOVING HOE] What happens in Vegas stays there.  
[ATOMIC BLONDE] Not if it's on YouTube then you're breathlessly fucked.

[YIN YANG ERROR] I thought The Hangover was dramatic until your wedding.  
[ORIGAMI QUEEN] Who's the stripper in this marriage?  
[MENACE PREIST] Me. Kakuzu would break his hip if he pole danced.[MONEY-LOVING HOE] ….

Sakura loves old people jokes most of the time.

[HADES] You didn't even deny the marriage.  
[MENACE PRIEST] Why should I? We never got a divorce.  
[YIN YANG ERROR] That's interesting.  
[MONEY-LOVING HOE] Benefits.

[HEY SOLDIER] Sex or money related benefits?  
[MONEY-LOVING HOE] **MONEY EMOJI  
** [KARATE KID] Keep the chat PG 13 everyone!  
[MENACE PRIEST] Why the hell would we do that?

 

Sakura silently removed Rock Lee from the group chat when he privately texted her to do so. She pursed her lips and hummed. She shrugged before she went to finish another stack of paperwork. She was almost six stacks finished.

[GENTLE PEACEKEEPER] He's not a delight in my bed. He's the opposite.  
[ATOMIC BLONDE] Work on your bedside manner.  
[GENTLE PEACEKEEPER] Work on yours and I will consider.  
[FISHY] I think you two started seeing each other in a new light when we enter the pirate era.

[MENACE PRIEST] I got fuckton of booty.  
[ORIGAMI QUEEN] It was lovely watching you sink with your ship when you tried to steal mine.  
[MENACE PRIEST] ….

Sakura smiled softly because she remembered that. She was one of the crew members of the ' _ Goddess of Amigakure.' _ The crew consists of Sakura, Tayuya, Ino, Temari, Kiba, Kankuro, Nagato, Yahiko, Sasori, Deidara, and Itachi with Konan as the captain. She ruled the seas with an iron fist and no bullshit attitude.

Honestly if she does think about it; that's probably the era where she and Sasori saw each other as something more. Because really; she had to heal him from one of bounty hunters that tried to end his life due to what he done in Suna, Sound, Rain, and Cloud.

 

She probably purposely bought him into her cabin to rest. It's not like the medic ring was fulled after all. Over the recent years in that life; their reunion was something else. Something she honestly wanted more form.

She was aware of the tension in their battle in the shinobi life. Although it wasn't sexual even with that heavy contact because number one? That age difference. She could sense they could have formed a bond that consists of something like comrade in arms. A bond that couldn't be so easy to forget and move on.

 

[LOVE BITES] Isn't that where Sak and Sasori started to date?  
[EDGER'S RAVEN] Sakura was a pirate.  
[HADES] Yes.  
[ORIGAMI QUEEN] Such a powerful couple.

[FISHY] That's more than 300 years.  
[PERSEY QUEEN] At least we're getting married this year, finally.[HADES] You're the one who wanted to wait.  
[PERSEY QUEEN] Not this long.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] Good thing you two aren't celebrate.  
[EARTH'S SORCESESS] We all know you ain't waiting for your honeyroom.  
[HADES] It's a bonus.  
[FLOWER WIFE] One hell of a bonus.

Sakura rolled her eyes and she cursed when her cheeks flushed a tiny bit. Sometimes she hated her pale skin that she gotten from her father.

[HEY SOLDER] Who's louder in bed? Sakura or Deidara.  
[HADES] Deidara.  
[FISHY] Huh. That's the clearest proof we got that Sasori has had sex with both.  
[HADES] I assure you that just because he's louder does not mean he's better at sex.  
[ATOMIC BLONDE] I am a good lay, motherfucker.

[GENTLE PEACEKEEPER] Sometimes.  
[FISHY] Dog house.  
[GENTLE PEACEKEEPER] Do you wish for your turn, Kiba?  
[HEY SOLDIER] **SMILE EMOJI**

Oh my god.

[MUSIC MISTRESS] I thought you fucked Hana once.  
[GENTLE PEACEKEEER] We're just good friends, nothing more.  
[EARTH'S SORCESESS] That would be weird to fuck her brother years later.  
[HEY SOLDIER] I admit I stole a couple of her exes in the past.

Crazy Lot group chat was sometimes a good idea she had. Because you learn who you befriend because sometimes game boards aren't a good idea; RIP Monopoly.

 

[LAVENDER ROYALITY] How does this chat come from the creepy mannequins?  
[MENACE PRIEST] You're better off not questioning it.  
[YIN YANG ERROR] Kisame. Have you been to Atlantis?  
[FISHY] Not sure.

If she were in The Office; she would have looked at the camera with a deadpan look. The chat went sideways roughly the most Colossal way. She felt victorious when she did not laugh at the worst times. She was a witch doctor after all. Who would want to be a patient to someone who laughs when she glanced at her phone?

Surprisingly not a lot of people.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

 

It was a couple of weeks later when the group chat came alive again. She thinks this starter clearly won over the mannequins because Jeez Louise her friends.

[YIN YANG ERROR]  **ATTRACTS IMAGE**

[YIN YANG ERROR] Kakuzu. Did you crafted this board?

[MONEY-LOVING HOE] It is genius.

[ATOMIC BLONDE]...You can say that.

[FLOWER WIFE] 'Come a little closer'. Are you fucking serious?

[MENACE PRIEST] That's a nice ad though.

[ORIGAMI QUEEN] Kakuzu. Didn't you had a meeting with people who worked at that funeral parlor?

[MONEY-LOVING HOE] Perhaps.

Damn.

[BLACK PUPPETRY] Wasn't there a scene in xxxHolic where someone died by a train?

[FLOWER WIFE] That's the manga that crossovers Tabusa right? One of the CLAMPS works.

[BEATLEJUICE] Yes.

[SHADOWS] There was once a woman who pushed another woman in front of the train simply because she wanted to do it. It was on the news months ago.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] Were you inspired by that? :/

 

[MONEY-LOVING HOE] I am not that horrible, Deidara.

[MIND&INK] Could have fooled us if money's involved.

[MENACE PRIEST] Today is fucking great.

[MONEY-LOVING HOE] Don't make me sell your organs again, Hidan.

 

[ATOMIC BLONDE] Someone would buy them?

[FISHY] Someone is desperate for a feast or an organ transplant out there.

[CRIMSON LOVE] A little too dark, Kisame.

[FISHY] My bad.

 

[MONEY-LOVING HOE] What exactly do you many see in me?

[ATOMIC BLONDE] That's a loaded question, yeah.

[HYOPONIS KING] Greedy would simplify it.

[MENACE PRIEST] ^^

 

Greedy would be his sin. Honestly Sakura doubts Kakuzu had a decent redemption over the years; he just slightly became more laid-back.

 

[HEY SOLDIER] You're alright when your greed isn't that glaring.

[BLACK PUPPETRY] Pleasant company would be pushing it though.

[MONEY-LOVING HOE] Thank you all for your kind words.

[FLOWER WIFE] There's that unique pettiness you got.

 

Sakura grinned and she ignored the strange look she received from the woman who eyed her across from her. She had a car but she hated traffic with the thousands of suns and some more so she tends to take the subway or a bus. It depends on the mood and if she has the time.

 

[MENACE PREST] Greedy. Petty. Bitchy. You're just one off of being Regina before the prom scene happens.

[MONEY-LOVING HOE] Hm.

[FISHY] I'm sensing a divorce in the force.

 

Ah the references of pop culture.

 

[MENACE PRIEST] Eh. We had a good run.

[YIN YANG ERROR] If you can call it that.

[MENACE PRIEST] Looks like you haven't heard us share a bed.

[FISHY] That's something no one wants on their bucketlist, I assure you.

 

[MIND&INK] No one wants to work in the porn industry. Look how awful the actors are treated, it doesn't matter how much they are paid.

[EARTH'S SORCESESS] Shikamaru?

[SHADOWS] Hm?

[HEY SOLDIER] You're not that girlfriend who breaks into his phone and browser history right?

 

Sakura hissed and she glared at the woman this time when she coughed pointedly at the pinkette. “Mind your business or go somewhere else if you wish for quiet.” She replied rolling her eyes.

 

The woman humped crossing her arms and Sakura paid no more attention since she got sucked into the group chat once again.

 

[EARTH'S SORECESS] Do you think I am?

[HEY SOLDIER] It's why I asked.

[BLACK PUPPETRY] Karin and Matsuri does that.

[FLOWER WIFE] Since when the fuck did you date Karin?

 

Sakura blinked confused.

 

[HADES] Your dating standards are a work in progress.

[LOVE BITES] Wow Sasori. You can go fuck yourself.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] Notice she doesn't object the dating thing anyone?

[MUSIC MISTRESS] I don't care about their dating history.

 

[ORIGAMI QUEEN] I agree with Tayuya.

[EARTH'S SORCESESS] I don't, Kiba.

[HEY SOLDIER] Great.

[BLACK PUPPETRY] I have never once dated Karin. She just seems like the type.

 

[EDGER'S RAVEN] She is.

[PERSEY QUEEN] You do like to leave for long periods if I recall.

[HEY SOLDIER] Oh boy.

[EDGER'S RAVEN] Are you implying I slept around?

 

[PERSEY QUEEN] I mean whatever the fuck you wanted it to mean, dear.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] Didn't your daughter thought Karin was her mother?

[PERSEY QUEEN] Yes.

[HYPONIS KING] You do learn new things everyday.

 

[MIND&INK] Well. You can't blame Sarada.

[LAVENDER ROYALITY] Sarada couldn't care less because Sakura was there for us since her birth.

[HEY SOLDIER] Yeah. She didn't fuck off to travel the world like a certain someone did for his redemption.

[EDGER'S RAVEN] Anything else you wish to say?

 

[EARTH'S SORCESESS] For someone having the power to track down Kaguya's power; you had a lot of help defeating those two.

[HADES] Imagine that.

[ORIGAMI QUEEN] Teamwork. That's wonderful.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] Especially since you supposedly made such a big deal on doing it alone.

 

[WHISKERS] Clean up on isle Avenger.

[EDGER'S RAVEN] Sakura? How about your two cents?

[PERSEY QUEEN] It just got so draining lying to our daughter about your whereabouts. I didn't want to follow Chiyo's footsteps.

[EARTH'S SORCESESS] Bullseye.

 

[MENACE PRIEST] Man. No fuckin' wonder that she's with Sasori. You can trust him to be honest.

[HADES] Mhm.

[EDGER'S RAVEN] Can you handle being a father?

[HADES] It looks like you couldn't handle it so I will take your pathetic attempted insult with a grain of salt.

 

Her darling does not pull his punches.

 

[HEY SOLDIER] Honestly out of our group and the fictional worlds we know, there's a lot of awful fathers.

[FLOWER WIFE] Let's name the ones we know.

[PERSEY QUEEN] Shao Tucker, Howard Stark, Odin, Father.

[HEY SOLDIER] George Barnes.

 

[WHISKERS] Fugaku Uchiha.

[MUSIC MISTRESS] King Bradley.

[FLOWER WIFE] I thought the son was Pride.

[MUSIC MISTRESS] Canonically, yeah. In the 2003 FMA, he choked his son to death in the last episode and Roy was too late to stop him.

 

What the fuck.

 

[FLOWER WIFE] I… I have no words.

[PERSEY QUEEN] Well, that's something we forgotten.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] Wasn't that anime horrible because of that and some more reasons?

[MIND&INK] Roy killing off Winry's parents, Envy killing off Ed because of jealousy, Trisha becoming one of the homunculi.

 

[SHADOWS] Izumi beating the shit out of Ed and Al so bad that Ed flinched when Roy raised his hand.

[FLOWER WIFE] Don't get me started on that women in 2003 FMA.

[BLACK PUPPETRY] Rose being raped by soldiers and she became pregnant at result and was mute until Ed was stabbed by Envy.

[FISHY] Christ.

 

Sakura swallowed the lump in her throat. That was something the animators shouldn't have done. That was hard to watch just like those cartoon where Harley Quinn and The Joker appeared together in that Batman cartoon.

 

[CRIMSON LOVE] Dante was also too interested in Rose too. Even used the baby as a transformation circle.

[MENACE PRIEST] The 2003 FMA was fucked up.

[WHISKERS] Wasn't there more awful father figures?

[HEY SOLDIER] Rod Reiss.

 

[MUSIC MISTRESS] Grisha Yeager.

[FLOWER WIFE] Yato's father!

[BLACK PUPPETRY] There's only like one good father I remember and that's Maes Hughes.

[PERSERY QUEEN] Bless Maes.

 

[MUSIC MISTRESS] Scott Lang sounded a nice dad to me.

[FLOWER WIFE] That ANT-MAN guy?

[MUSIC MISTRESS] Yea

[LAVENDER ROYALITY] There's General Ross.

 

[PERSEY QUEEN] FUCK THAT GUY!

[ATOMIC BLONDE] Here here!

[ORIGAMI QUEEN] He's the one who started that Slovakia Accords.

[HEY SOLDIER] Yep. Still doesn't really sense.

 

Imagine talking about a morbid funeral ad to asshole father figures. Hidan was right. Don't question how the subjects change so easily.

 

**XXXXXXXXXX**

 

_ A week later… At the Eternal Riot Studios. _

 

“ I kinda want you to get arrested so I can frame the avatar mugshot, yeah,” Deidara commented while he stared at the painting someone commission. The blonde didn't exactly see the look the redhead gave him but he knows it wasn't anything friendly.

 

“ Why don't you get arrested,” Sasori replied dry rolling his eyes. He typed in the information for the finished commissions wishing Sakura didn't have an emergency shift so she could have helped out.

 

The blonde turned to glare at his friend who didn't bat an eye at the glare. “I am still bitter at what you done, asshole. That's fucking why.” He huffed.

 

Sasori smirked at his direction. “Are you really bitter on such a thing? It was harmless compared what we usually do to each other,” the redhead pointed out.

 

Deidara turned his stool around to face the redhead in disbelief even when he knows that fucker was right. “You framed my mugshot as employee of the month at the Akatsuki's Studios where the Kages and other officials come to meet us for new missions, yeah.”

 

“ That old mentor of yours got a kicked out of it,” Sasori replied smirking.

 

Deidara narrowed his eyes at him. “Bite my ass, Sasori.”

 

“ Right after you go on your knees and kiss mine,” Sasori said.

Deidara scoffed. “You think I'd do that for ya, yeah?”

“ It won't be the first time you went on your knees let alone for me.”

 

Deidara gaped at him and Sasori smirked before he finished inputting the data. The blonde glared crossing his arms.

“ My sex life is not your concern.”

“ It's not, thankfully. Just try not to post it like Tony Stark used to do.”

“ Ugh.”

 

Sasori rolled his eyes. “Just framed Hidan's. I'm sure he's going to do something illegal soon.”

 

“ It's Hidan's. People are used to his shit but you, Sasori no Akasuna? Now that's something people would pay attention to. You would be well known, yeah” Deidara replied grinning.

 

“ I'm already well known, Deidara.” Sasori point out.

 

Deidara blinked at him. “You really want such a terrifying reputation? I mean, damn, go for it. It's just a mug shot might hilarious if you and Sakura ever had children and they saw it later in life.”

 

Sasori paused before he stared at Deidara who pursed his lips as if he went too far. The redhead let out a sigh. “The kid would be just raised by the nanny most of the time; it's not worth it.”

 

Deidara licked his lip considering that before he nodded. “Yeah, that's true. So no little Sarada's?” He teased.

 

Sasori rolled his eyes. “I don't even know why she named her that.”

 

“ Did you think she blank and came up with the first name?”

 

“ Probably.”

 

They worked in silence until the redhead looked at the blonde who was finally making more progress with the black&white portrait of a women with her twin sons smiling brightly for the camera.

 

“ Deidara.”

 

“ Yeah?”

 

“ Doesn't Itachi want to adopt?”

 

Deidara was the one paused this time. He said nothing but pursed his lips.

 

Sasori eyed him with a raised brow. “You two been together for a while. The rumor was that he was looking for adoption papers after he started a part time job at that daycare.”

 

Deidara looked at him silent.

 

Sasori pushed the matter more. “Your reputation's not clean either. What would your kid say, hm?”

 

Deidara narrowed his eyes at the redhead. “If Itachi and I wanted to adopt, we don't fucking need your petty bullshit just because your lives are hectic for a child, yeah.”

 

Sasori smirked. “I know I don't want children and Sakura… I doubt she wants to stay at home mother. My life with my fiancee is something I'm fine with.”

 

Deidara smiled at him. “Good for you,” He said sarcastic.

 

Sasori looked amused. “I'm not the one who's worrying about children.”

 

Deidara's face fell before he got up from his stool and walked towards the redhead who raised a questionable brow with a smirk playing on his lips.

 

“ Just drop it, alright. I shouldn't be surprised that the likes of you wouldn't want children.” Deidara hissed out leaning towards Sasori who narrowed his eyes.

 

“ Pray tell what you mean by the likes of me, Deidara” Sasori replied soft but his eyes were the opposite of soft.

 

“ You're the grandson spawn of Chiyo; you fig--” Deidara was cut off when Sasori yanked him by the collar and smashed his face against the desk harshly. The blonde hold his nose glaring at the redhead who glared back.

 

“ I am nothing like Chiyo just like you're nothing like  _ him _ ,” Sasori hissed out before he finished the data and shut down the computer after he saved it twice. He got up from the seat and gathered his stuff to leave. “Clean up the mess, Deidara and think what you almost said,” he replied coldly before he left.

 

Deidara blinked. Swallowed. He blinked again.

 

_ 'You're nothing like him…' _

_ 'Nothing..,' _

 

Deidara looked down at the desk frowning. The thing about his relationship as Ino's step-brother is that his mother married Ino's father and well it's obliviously he loves his daughter. His step son on another hand? He's the black sheep in that family but his mother is happy so he doesn't say anything and he knows Sasori (along with Itachi and Konan) knows the situation.

 

Bringing Chiyo up in that manner was bad so he couldn't blame Sasori bringing up his own issues with a family member. It was a low blow. He licked his lip and glanced at the clock nervously before his painting. He decided to finish it before he figures out how to apologize to the redhead.

 

It took him nearly three in the morning to finish because he wanted the painting to be close to perfection. He used to have OCD in the shinobi life concerning his art but he mellowed out because it was draining and he was so tired after Edo-Tensai. The blonde swallowed again.

 

He left it to dry at the corner before picking up after him and then the studios before he sounded the alarm and locked it up. He knew it was three in the morning and his phone was charged but he decided to walk home.

 

Deidara looked around the deserted streets and watch how the lights still work even when there's hardly any cards. He was wise enough to not cross any parks nor allies. He remembers doing that once in high school and if it weren't Itachi, he would have probably drowned in pissed and blood along with other ally liquids by those two shady men who kept eying him.

 

He had powers don't get him wrong but there's that issue where you can't show magic around the normals or a fucking witch hunt would happen again. He was there when that happened. Saw how normals burned lots of people at stake and only a few in that town was actually 'abnormal'. Deidara also saw women who tried to helped people with powers was either hanged or had their head cut off.

 

He remembered the terrified screams and panic when the coven above raised hell after witnesses such things. He remembered how Sakura was one of the ones who was hunted down and she… she didn't seem to care. The pinkette and him had a phase where they just didn't care about their life so he didn't save her even when he wanted to. He knows Sasori and Ino still hasn't forgiven him for allowing it.

 

He can't blame them at all. Honestly the only thing that mattered in that situation was that Sakura never held a grudge.

 

Deidara looked down at his shoes where he absently-minded walked to his apartment he shared with Itachi on autopilot lost in thought. He did wanted to bring up the adoption matter with Itachi but he doesn't know if he could do it. He wasn't worried about Itachi being a horrible father; he keep seeing good enough reviews on how he well he can take care of them.

 

His own dad couldn't care and his step dad doesn't want to do anything with him so he's pretty stump on what to do. He knows he can't picture himself acting like Maes Hughes or Scott Lang and he's fucking afraid of messing up.

 

He just doesn't know what to do.

 

**XXXXXXXXXX**

 

[THE GODDESS] Why the hell did you bring Chiyo up?

 

Deidara stared at the text. He came home at five and he had to carry Itachi to bed because he fallen asleep on the couch most likely waiting up for him and he was grateful for that. It gave him a happy feeling but this? That happy feeling left after reading the text.

 

The blonde eyed his phone before he looked down at Itachi was still sound asleep. He had an arm around the blonde's pelvis area considering Deidara was sitting up watching the TV on mute with subtitles. Deidara let out a sigh before he responded.

 

[BANG BANG!] Not my finest moment.

[THE GODDESS] You're damn right.

[BANG BANG!] Konan please…

[THE GODDNESS] No. I will say this because I have only one life with my birth parents with many others being an orphan, you do not bring up family issues to make a fucking point. Look what happened with your boyfriend and his family.

 

Deidara winced.

 

[BANG BANG!] Don't bring that up. You fucking know he's sensitive about that.

[THE GODDESS] You understand my point?

[BANG BANG!] Fuck you.

[THE GODDESS] Whatever.

 

The blonde sighed and ran his fingers through Itachi's hair who subconsciously leaned against the touch. He smiled at that even when he was annoyed at Konan but she did have the point.

 

[BANG BANG!] I don't think I can do this.

[THE GODDESS] Apologizing to Sasori or the adoption matter?

 

He doesn't ask how she knows.

 

[BANG BANG!] What the fuck do you think, dear?

[THE GODDESS] Hm. Would it effect your relationship with Itachi if you don't think you could handle that commitment?

[BANG BANG!] I doubt it.

[THE GODDESS] How to figure it out is making a list of pro and cons of fatherhood. Or making a list where you don't want to become; what type of father that you dislike etc, etc.

 

...That's a good idea.

 

[BANG BANG!] Yeah alright.

[THE GODDESS] You're lucky I'm the one who went after your ass about the Chiyo matter and not Sakura.

[BANG BANG!] Mhm.

[THE GODDNESS] Work out your apology. You have a day off at your studio, our main headquarters, and that mini booth at the black market that you don't think I knew about.

 

He could just sense her dry tone. It was impressive.

 

[BANG BANG!] Is that an order, Captain Goddess?

[THE GODDESS] It's a fucking promise, sailor.

[BANG BANG!] Ah how I miss the days where you cuss freely.

[THE GODDESS] Oh go fuck yourself.

 

Deidara grinned.

 

**XXXXXXXXXX**

 

He was clearly the only who had a day off since Itachi just left a moment kiss after a quick smooth on the lips. Deidara slowly chewed on a piece of toast lost in thought. The blonde choose that time to text Sasori to judge his mood.

 

[BANG BANG!] You want to hang out at that joint where we discovered how amazing weed chocolates were?

 

He waited for the reply while in the meantime he decided to clean up the kitchen. He didn't know how long it took to finish but the text was already there. So he unlocked the phone to see that Sasori did indeed responded.

 

[ETERNAL PAIN] No.

 

Deidara winced. Not in a good mood still. Understandable.

 

[BANG BANG!] So Konan chewed me out at what I try to say about you and your grandmother using Itachi's family situation to make a point so I'm sorry for ever comparing you two.

[ETERNAL PAIN] Go on.

[BANG BANG!] We both know I can be a dumbass.

[ETERNAL PAIN] That's true.

 

Deidara let out a sigh.

 

[BANG BANG!] I'm really fucking sorry, Sasori. I want to hang out with my best friend without worrying for my life.

[ETERNAL PAIN] Hm.

[BANG BANG!] Too soon?

[ETERNAL PAIN] I couldn't care less about you right now. Give me more time.

 

That admitting hurt but Deidara nodded.

 

[BANG BANG!] Yea sure. Bye.

[ETERNAL PAIN] Bye.

 

The blonde bitten his lip before he looked around the kitchen to see it was clean. Sometimes when he gets focused on a task; he tends to blank out everything else and forget if he did the previous task. Shizune told him he wasn't alone on that matter so he doesn't really pay attention to fix it.

 

He just decides to take a nap because he deserved one. He plugged his phone into its charger before he laid down with the fan blowing at his direction with the blankets on top of him because he was one of those people. The blonde felled asleep moments later.

 

**XXXXXXXXXX**

 

Deidara woke up when someone grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked. He smacked the hand away grumbling before turning over to see Sasori sitting on the edge of the bed staring down at him. He blinked and closed his eyes before he sat up gaping at the redhead who raised a brow.

 

“ You said to give you time,” Deidara replied slowly.

 

Sasori nodded.

 

“ How long did I sleep?”

 

Sasori eyed him. “How the fuck should I know? I just got here five minutes ago.”

 

Deidara blinked before he looked at alarm clock to noticed he slept roughly the whole day. It was nine pm and Itachi would be coming up any minute now. The blonde turned to look at the redhead who only stared back.

 

“ Do you still could care less?”

 

“ Not really.”

 

“ If it's worth anything; I'm sorry that I didn't save Sakura from the witch hunt those years ago.”

 

Sasori's eyes sharpened. “It means something,” he allowed.

 

Deidara smiled. Sasori's lips twitch upwards and the blonde count that as a victory.

 

“ I promise not to bring your grandmother like that.”

 

“ I'll hold you to that.”

 

With that said; their newly repaired friendship went smoothly until Sasori left once Itachi came home. Deidara watched the two nodded at each other before they went separate ways.

 

Itachi looked at him. “You don't have to be a parent if you're that nervous.”

 

Deidara blinked surprise. “I--”

 

Itachi rolled his eyes. He looked fond. “It was just an idea. It's okay, Deidara.”

 

“ Yeah okay,” the blonde allowed smiling.

 

That was how the adoption issued was settled among the two.

 

**XXXXXXXXXX**

 

After all the lives he's lived; he should expect many things but this? Not really Deidara should have expected. He didn't expect Chiyo coming to his booth in the black market on a stormy day in July. It was a little away from Konoha so the Hokage couldn't exactly do anything to him if she were to found out. The blonde eyed the elder woman who stared back wordlessly.

 

Chiyo let out a sigh. “I must admit the thing you told my grandson took me by surprise,” she admitted looking like she wanted to resist the urge to roll her eyes.

 

Deidara frowned at her. “It's not like you change your ways. You really can't be that surprise.” He pointed out leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He eyed her.

 

Chiyo looked tired. “His father is my son. It's not easy.”

 

“ What makes you think it would be easy for him? It's his fucking father and his mother that he loved no matter what. During Edo-Tensei; he thought of them. Sometimes they don't die and live long enough to meet Sakura and he's relieved that they approve of her. Stop ruining that for him.” Deidara pointed out with narrowed eyes.

 

Chiyo glared at him. “I will be not seen as the villain,” she hissed out.

 

Deidara scoffed. “You're not seen. You do just fine by yourself, you old bitch.”

 

Chiyo stalked towards him furious and poked his chest glaring up at him. “You listen to me. I refuse to be treated like this. I made horrible mistakes with my grandson that he would never forgive me for and I accept that.”

 

“ You accepted it so much; you looked victorious about killing him with his look-a-like parents.” Deidara cut in with a mean smile. “Tell me. Does your beloved son knew about that? Or did you keep that a secret too?”

 

He did expected the harsh slap Chiyo gave him to the face before she huffed angry and walked away. The blonde only stared at her retreating back with frown. He didn't care about the sting.

 

After that small incident; the day at the market went smoothly enough that he received a mighty amount of cold-blooded cash.

 

**XXXXXXXXXX**

 

When Deidara came home from the market with a magic tote bag that carries his things no matter the size; he turned on his phone to see that the group chat came to alive during his away time.

 

[PAGAN FUCKER] This kid is drunk.

[QUEEN] You better mean you and not some poor child that you got wasted.

[WHISKERS] I can unfortunately imagine that.

[THE GODDESS] Hidan.

 

Oh boy. It's Hidan. Of course he would have done something. He should figure out how to make a spell where that fucker only does something mess up once a month. Maybe that's too much. He's not really big on using blood—especially his—for those spells.

 

[PAGAN FUCKER] The kid told me he's nineteen.

[QUEEN] Did he tell you or did you picket-pocket his ID without his knowing?

[PAGAN FUCKER] Technicalities.

[ETERNAL PAIN] Are you fucking serious?

 

He had to agree with Sasori.

 

[PAGAN FUCKER]  **ATTRACTS IMAGE**

[JAWS] That child is not taking his alcohol well.

[PAGAN FUCKER] Sad right?

[THE GODDESS] Not the word I would use right now.

 

Hidan pissing off Konan was something Deidara had mixed feelings about. On one hand; he's amused because not many people that Hidan would listen to afterwards if he happen to piss them off and Konan's one of the ones that you don't want to piss off. Other hand; the blonde is so annoyed that Hidan doesn't fucking learn his lesson to quit cold turkey not temporary quit and go back at it again.

 

[RAVEN'S PEACEKEEPER] Just take him home, Hidan. He's clearly over the limit.

[PAGAN FUCKER] Why?

[RAVEN'S PEACEKEEPER] It's your ass that he gets admit to a hospital for alcohol poisoning.

[GREEDY BITCH] Itachi's right. His bill will be deducted by your paycheck as well.

 

Deidara pursed his lips. He wondered if the kid was a normal or not. If he was enchanted; he would survive being hazed but the hangover would pretty much paralyze him for the rest of the day. The blonde let out a wince because he remembered doing that and his mother making the pots in the kitchen bang to signal she was not happy with him.

 

[KOUGA] Is that kid a normal?

[PAGAN FUCKER] Nah. He's one of those fallen angels.

[BITCHY SISTER] They still exist?

[PAGAN FUCKER] Apparently.

  
  


Well that's something. The kid was enchanted so it was unlikely he would die from the hazardous drinking. Not to say it was a good thing if he wasn't enchanted though because some can't handle it and ended up waiting in limbo until they are reborn.

 

[QUEEN] So you're helping him out to sin enough to become a demon?

[PAGAN FUCKER] He fucking requested it okay.

[THE GODDESS] :/

[KOUGA] Huh.

 

The blonde blink down at the phone and he put it down on the counter before he got dinner ready because he's been craving cheesy beef chalupas with Mexican rice. He would get them at the store to make things easier of Hell; go to Taco Bell but he doesn't feel like being near people after the black market. It makes him itch to do something drastic to get them away from him.

 

He knows well enough to make the damn things and thank fuck; he's got the ingredients so he set out to work glancing at his phone to read what he missed. The group chat still had a couple more messages to go and he reads quick enough so it's not a problem.

 

[ETERNAL PAIN] What else has he requested from you?

[PAGAN FUCKER] Sex would be one of them.

[QUEEN] One of them?!

[PAGAN FUCKER] Requested hazing, fucking, stealing, and soul taking.

 

Deidara blinked stunned. The hell was this kid doing? He wanted to inverted into a demon so badly? Hell; he could do it with those requests especially if he asked Hidan. The silver-haired man worked as Hell's assistants you could say. Anything that involves Jashin (who does resist in one of the levels of Hell) Hidan would do the task without much care.

 

[RAVEN'S PEACEKEEPER] Anything specific for the last two?

[PAGAN FUCKER] He didn't say anything about stealing but he did say he wanted to take the soul of your ex.

[THE GODDESS] Your ex?

[RAVEN'S PEACEKEEPER] Not someone I wish to talk about if you don't mind.

 

Deidara narrowed his eyes and he wished he was there when this happen because he would have butt in and asked who this mysterious ex was that Itachi refused to talk about.

 

[ETERNAL PAIN] Is is that man I've seen you talking to?

[RAVEN'S PEACEKEEPER] Yes.

[ETERNAL PAIN] Hm.

[THE GODDESS] Well that doesn't narrow it down but this subject is considered dropped.

 

Deidara frowned before he shoved his phone into his back pocket and went to work. The blonde kept himself busy with the dinner when he felt Itachi's magic aura slowly making up the stairs and he rolled his eyes. Sometimes Itachi doesn't like using elevators and he wonders why but when he asks; Itachi successfully dodges it without the blonde knowing a little too late.

 

The dinner was ready when Itachi came home and they sat down in the front of the TV with their plates. The blonde only waited until the first show was finish when he ambushed Itachi about his past.

 

“ Who's the ex?” Deidara asked straight up and he watched Itachi saved himself from choking on his food before he set it down on the coffee table.

 

“ Just a man I've seen in the past. Nothing more.” Itachi replied eying the TV that was showing a show that Deidara couldn't fucking care less about. He felt the blonde's eyes on him grew heavy and he let out a deep sigh.

 

“ It wasn't a lovely relationship and it was when you slept around so I couldn't really care less if I started another relationship even when we had something going on,” Itachi explained tired. He decided to come out clean to Deidara because the blonde did make an effort to discuss about the shit he didn't really wanted to talk about so he will return the favor.

 

Deidara blinked surprised before he scoffed. “Of fucking course. I did say it would be an open relationship but I didn't expect you would sleep around like that, yeah.”

 

Itachi turned to look at him frowning. “So you were allowed to whore yourself out while I sit back and let it happen?” He asked astonished. It didn't seem fair but their relationship at the early stages wasn't healthy.

 

Deidara set his plate down a little harshly on the coffee table and turned to face Itachi with a glare. “I didn't slept that much,  _ babe _ .” He replied harshly giving the last word a little mockery kick.

 

Itachi ignored it. “Your various conquests differ,  _ dear _ . They didn't exactly kept quiet. If you expect it to be quiet than you missed a fucking mile.”

 

Deidara clicked his tongue glaring at Itachi for the long moment before he let out a deep sigh. He rubbed his eyes annoyed before he answered with minimum angry coloring his tone, “that's on them not me. I needed the excuse to work out whatever the fuck I wanted from you, yeah.”

 

Itachi didn't say anything. He just stared at the blonde with a frown.

 

Deidara smiled at him tired. He was so fucking tired these days. “Let's clear it out. I slept around like a whore in your words and you didn't have a lovely relationship with that man whatever that means.”

 

Itachi pursed his lips before he nodded.

 

Deidara eyed him. “You weren't abused right…?”

 

Itachi rolled his eyes. “No. He just done somethings that I didn't feel pleasant with.” He replied before picking up his plate and eat again while leaning against the gray colored couch.

 

“ Like sex or what? Give me an answer here, man.” Deidara replied and he didn't pleaded; he fucking didn't okay.

 

Itachi sighed setting the plate down on his plate and stared down at it before he looked at Deidara with a frown. “He's the reason why I don't like elevators.”

 

Deidara's brows went to his hairline. “What the fuck…?”

 

Itachi sighed. He looked as tired the blonde felt. “I foolishly misjudge him when I told him about a nightmare I had and he tried to make it 'better' by trapping me into an elevator and cutting the power line so it could drop. That's all. Now let me eat and watch whatever the hell this is,” he gestured to the TV and went back eating.

 

Deidara blinked several times. “Yeah okay, nope. C'mon.” He said getting their places and sticking everything in the fridge almost too angry before he marched back to Itachi and grabbed his collar to take him outside for a long walk.

 

Itachi sighed but followed him.

 

Deidara eyed him before he reached behind him with his arm and palm up. He offered the silent invention walking along the dirty road's path. He felt his lips twitched when Itachi accepted the offer just as silent. They walked until the old hang out before their crew found another hang out that was near more take out places and other shops.

 

“ I hoped that kid stole your ex's soul.” Deidara confessed.

 

Itachi only squeezed his hand. It was enough.

 

**XXXXXXXXXX**

 

It was a couple days before Sasori ambushed him by grabbing his collar and dragging him away from the booth. Deidara didn't have time to put the break sign because the redhead already placed a hex on it signaling if someone were to steal the belongings they would be gravely punished. Since the black market was painfully aware of what Sasori could do without a single emotion or remorse or Hell; mercy Deidara knew his booth wouldn't be messed with.

 

“ Care to tell me what's wrong, yeah?” The blonde muttered because being dragged by his collar didn't signal a good time in his opinion. All he got was being slammed against the brick and his head smacked painfully making his see spots and he hissed.

 

Once his eyesight was clear; he had a furious Sasori in his sights and Deidara raised his arms to signal surrender confused.

 

Sasori narrowed his eyes. “You're making my life hell.” He replied flatly.

 

Deidara blinked. “I always done since we first met?”

 

Sasori glared down at him and Deidara cautiously placed his hands on the redhead's biceps. Since the redhead didn't do anything; the blonde kept them there. The blonde smiled at him wondering what the hell he done wrong recently.

 

“ Chiyo.” Sasori hissed out.

 

Oh that. Deidara made a face and Sasori rolled his eyes.

 

“ What has she been doing…?” Deidara asked even this feel like a fucking landmine. He really wasn't a fan getting blown up again thanks.

 

“ Oh she's done nothing like she wouldn't do if someone pissed her off that she took it on Sakura who regretted opening the door to our apartment the day you supposedly said words that I really don't want to discuss,” Sasori replied with a small smile even when his face was cold and his tone was bittersweet.

 

Deidara winced. “I'm so fucking sorry.”

 

Sasori narrowed his eyes.

 

Deidara sighed, “I mean it. Man, you gotta believe me. I didn't know she would take it on Sakura okay and I should have figured she would have ambushed you sometime after that. I'm just having a shitty fucking week with Itachi's ex and what he done and the market, yeah.” He replied tired. He was so damn tired.

 

Sasori raised a brow curiously. “Itachi's ex? What did he do?”

 

Deidara frowned cursing himself letting that slip. “He was an asshole, yeah and I'm glad that kid took his fucking soul okay.”

 

Sasori shrugged letting Deidara go. “And the market?” He questioned.

 

The thing he liked about Sasori the most? You tell the truth even the short version; he would leave it alone and focus on something else. One of the reasons why the redhead was his best friend.

 

“ The market is just giving me these vibes, okay.” Deidara whispered.

 

Sasori looked unimpressed. “Vibes,” he repeated drily.

 

“ Vibes as causing chaos. Like I used to do back when I was the Chaotic King, okay. It's just anyone that's near me would do. Not enchanted,” Deidara explained quietly. He sighed and bought Sasori closer to him who allowed it. “The old me would try it to boost my art, okay? But now? This Deidara? He's just fucking tired and couldn't care on most days about making things go in the bang.”

 

Sasori studied him for a long moment before he sighed. “I wondered when this was going to happen,” he admitted.

 

Deidara frowned. “Why?”

 

Sasori rolled his eyes. “Your personality didn't change until our fifth life, Deidara. You became more tired and you were done. Konan and I discussed that it would be better if we don't have you on missions anymore until you figure out what you wanted to do. Since that decision; you really couldn't care less about fighting.”

 

Deidara opened his mouth to deny but he closed it thinking. “Yeah, okay. Maybe I am tired enough to quit.”

 

Sasori nodded. “The others are thinking it too. The Akatsuki wouldn't disband but we would choose missions whenever we feel like it now. The Kages are currently making it into a bill so it could work.”

 

Deidara blinked. “What does Sakura say about this, yeah?”

 

Sasori eyed him. “Have you notice she hardly goes on missions herself? We're getting fucking tired, Deidara. She wants to quit fighting so she's been focusing on her hobbies and her work lately.”

 

Deidara nodded. “I noticed.”

 

“ The ones who aren't on active duty would only go on missions that require all Akatsuki members,” Sasori explained grabbing Deidara's hands from his biceps and dropping them from his person.

 

Deidara knew Sasori wasn't the type to allow human contact so long so he didn't it offensive. “Other than me, who's the rest?”

 

“ Itachi, Konan, Yahiko, Hidan, and I,” Sasori responded.

 

Deidara blinked. “Hidan?” He was taken by surprised.

 

Sasori stared at him. “The shit he does for a living for Hell is enough to keep that sadist satisfy,” the redhead pointed out.

 

Deidara blinked. “Yeah, okay.”

 

They were silent for a moment before Deidara cupped Sasori's face and knocked their foreheads together. “You may be a Grinch who could care less about human contact but I like it. So allow this, yeah?” He whispered. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. He didn't mind the breathing from the redhead nor the hands coming to rest on his shoulders.

 

Sasori allowed it wordlessly for a long moment before he pushed Deidara and walked away. Deidara followed him back to the booth and the redhead sat on the extra chair until the market ended. To Deidara's astonishment; the urges weren't really there. Judging by Sasori's smirk; he knew.

 

Best friends for a reason, man.

 

**XXXXXXXXXX**

 

It was the very next day where the Crazy Lot crew's chat came alive once again. It was the best distraction Sakura wanted over this painstaking paperwork she would set on fire but she can't. Ugh.

 

Sometimes she honestly wonders why she stays on the doctor's path for her career because she likes healing people but the paperwork and not to mentions the shifts where she didn't see any action that she wants to cause something wrong? Yeah, she wonders.

 

[MUSIC MISTRESS] You ever wonder how much you swear until you're in a situation where you can't?

[EARTH'S SORCESESS] Yes.

[LAVENDER ROYALITY] Did something happen?

[MUSIC MISTRESS] Oh just me trying not say bitch in front these kids so my mouth says cunt instead.

 

Sakura laughed before she could stop the urge. She's so glad that's she in her office right now.

 

[HEY SOLDIER] Lmao.

[WHISKERS] You nailed it, believe it!

[MUSIC MISTRESS] Fuck off.

[FLOWER WIFE] What happened to the kids?

 

[MUSIC MISTRESS] One little girl snitched on me at her mother who threw a bitch fit.

[HEY SOLDIER] And?

[MUSIC MISTRESS] I got fucking fired because of the woman. At least the kid looked guilty.

[LOVE BITES] You deserved it.

 

[MUSIC MISTRESS] Ya know if someone puts a hit on you, I'll be the first one in line to do the honors.

[LOVE BITES] I am a delight.

[MUSIC MISTRESS] When you're not around, yeah you are.

[LOVE BITES] Excuse me.

 

[MUSIC MISTRESS] I ain't fucking apologizing to a bitch who thinks she's delightful after she makes cunt worthy passive aggressive comments.

[FLOWER WIFE] You tell that bitch, baby!

[MUSIC MISTRESS] After I do the honors; I'mma celebrate. I should ask Sasori to do me a solid and tear apart your soul so you won't come back.

[LOVE BITES] You've been holding this way too fucking long, huh.

 

[HADES] I shall do that solid as you say, Tayuya.

[MUSIC MISTESS] Thank fuck.

[LOVE BITES] Sasuke. You love it when I'm around right?

[EDGAR'S RAVEN] Sure

 

Oh boy.

 

[ATOMIC BLONDE] 'Sure'

[GENTLE PEACEKEEPER] I can see why the marriage between Sakura and you failed, little brother.

[MENACE PRIEST] I fuckin' love how salty this convo is.

[EDGAR'S RAVEN] It failed because Sakura went to Sasori.

 

Excuse me. Sakura narrowed her eyes at that.

 

[HADES] It failed because of your dumbass taking her for granted.

[HADES] You can't blame her for moving on, hm?

[HEY SOLDIER] You travel around looking for Kaguya's signature, basically neglect your daughter, knew it was your fault and yet you continue to do it after those two died.

[WHISKERS] Sasuke's not a bad guy, guys.

 

[ATOMIC BLONDE] You neglected your own kids for the Hokage shit.

[WHISKERS] I didn't have a choice asshole.

[ATOMIC BLONDE] You could have used your shadow clones do the paperwork while the real you focus on your family. You made your choice alright.

[HEY SOLDIER] Well shit.

 

Sakura chewed her lip watching the scene fold in front of her. Today the Crazy Lot crew was full of salt and she's going to law low as possible.

 

[ORIGAMI QUEEN] Tayuya, you didn't happen to place this new hit on Karin, would you?

[MUSIC MISTRESS] Man, I wish.

[LOVE BITES] I am a nice person!

[FISHY'S WANNABE] No, you're really not, Karin.

 

[LOVE BITES] Fuck off, Suigetsu.

[INNER PEACE] You're proving the point.

[FLOWER WIFE] I got a job offer for you, Tayuya.

[MUSIC MISTRESS] Thank fuck for that. I don't want to go back to being a mercenary again.

 

[PERSEY QUEEN] You're fine with the dark arts?

[MUSIC MISTRESS] One, where the hell have you been? Two, yes I am.

[PERSEY QUEEN] Watching this shitstorm from the sidelines.

[MENACE PRIEST] You should tell us your thoughts on what's happening anyway.

 

[PERSEY QUEEN] Yeah whatever.

[PERSEY QUEEN] Tayuya, you did a good job and that woman probably said worse but Heaven forbids if someone finds that out.

[PERSEY QUEEN] Karin, shut the hell up. You getting a hit to have several reasons. You're not always pleasant company and you're too violent and that's coming from someone who had short-temper herself.

[PERSEY QUEEN] Sasuke AND Naruto should have tried better. The end.

 

[ATOMIC BLONDE] I love this.

[MUSIC MISTESS] Thank you, Sak.

[HYOPONIS KING]  **CLAPPING EMOJI**

[ORIGAMI QUEEN] Your thoughts are always a delight.

 

Sakura smiled at that. She can make comments that can rock in her opinion.

 

[HADES] Karin put a hit on you.

[FLOWER WIFE] Sakura?

[HADES] Tayuya.

[MUSIC MISTESS] Well. Time to face the music. See ya later, people. I got a bitch to kill.

 

For Hinata's sake, Sakura hopes her girlfriend survives.

 

**XXXXXXXXXX**

 

It was nearly midnight when Tayuya came into Hinata's apartment without any warning and Hinata almost trip over the coffee table to get to her girlfriend who looked bang up and bloody  _ but alive _ and that's what matters.

 

“ I was worried..” Hinata whispered cupping her lover's face gently. She pressed a light kiss on Tayuya's mouth who only smiled and leaned against her. She helped her lover changed her clothes, hissing when she saw the wounds slowly but assuring healing.

 

Tayuya smirked at her. “I killed the bitch and dragged her corpse to Sasori's workshop. I hope he loves it,” she replied darkly with a mean smile.

 

Hinata let out a sigh and helped her lover to bed. “You must tell someone what you did to kill someone like Karin off,” she whispered.

 

Her lover only nodded. “Yeah, sure.” She grabbed Hinata's neck and dragged her down for a messy kiss that she returned even when she was little surprised.

 

“ Fuck. I love you, sweetheart,” Tayuya whispered against Hinata's lips before she kissed her again and again before she laid against the pillows with a relieved sigh.

 

Hinata smiled and did the same bringing the covers over them. “I love you too, darling.” She watched Tayuya fall asleep and she felled asleep later on.

 

**XXXXXXXXXX**

 

_ The next day at the workshop near the Eternal Riot's studios… _

 

Sasori wasn't surprised when he saw the mangled remains of Karin Uzumaki. He just calls Kakuzu to let him know if he wanted the organs and hang up when Kakuzu confirmed with a firm positive. The black market if you set shop deeper in the dark forest; you can sell damaged organs because you can do anything if you try hard enough with the forbidden dark arts.

 

Years will go on and people would find new ways to be cruel when they're in need.

 

The redhead used his magic to move her body so the customers won't notice and file a complaint. That's something he doesn't need honestly. He didn't have to wait long when Deidara came into the back entrance with his motorcycle followed by Kakuzu's black four-door truck.

 

He leaned against the wall and pointed at the body bag before Kakuzu could say anything once he got out of his truck. He watched Kakuzu checked inside, nodded in approval and looked towards him.

 

“ I told Tayuya; I reap this bitch's soul already,” Sasori replied knowing that's what Kakuzu wanted who smirked and picked up just to drop it carelessly in the back of his truck. Kakuzu wasn't in the mood for a chat and Sasori couldn't care less so he and the blonde watched him leave before they went inside for another work day.

 

Deidara looked at him. “How did Tayuya eff her off anyway?” He was curious enough so Sasori gave him a small smirk.

 

“ Your sister helped her out. Used Sakura's poison that rots the person inside out.”

 

Deidara raised a brow. “I thought you could tell that.”

 

“ Yes,” Sasori agreed to nod but he gestured to the back where the poisons are stashed deep inside the studios and away from curious customers. “But you see, this is Sakura we're talking about. She found out how to make the rotting unnoticed until it's too late. The one who issues the poison on the inflected victim choose what organ would rot and return back to normal after they are finished with the torture.”

 

Deidara looked impressed. “Well shit. No wonder you were interested in her. You knew her potential could be as morbid and cruel like yours due to her determination and her curiosity. Not to mention her intelligence.”

 

Sasori hummed his approval smirking. “I knew she could expand her horizons if she pushes aside her morals.” He even helped her craft some poisons and even antidotes when he was in the mood to be generous enough to save people. He's aware that makes him still be a villain in many eyes.

 

They're not Bonnie and Clyde. They're a lot worse than them. He wouldn't want them in any way.

 

Deidara eyed him before he nodded. “What happened to Karin's throat then? It looked pretty fucked up, yeah.”

 

“ Tayuya shoved her flute down the redhead's throat and bashed it until it broke inside her. Karin chocked to death before the rotting could finish her off. Tayuya was satisfied with the results anyway,” Sasori explained booting up the computers and checking the supplies; he nodded in approval to see everything in working order.

 

Deidara whistled. “Did the hit drop afterward?”

 

Sasori looked at him. “It did after Tayuya dealt with a small bounty hunting group. Hence why she was probably fucked up if Hinata's text was anything to go by.”

 

Deidara pursed his lips. “Well. It's a good thing she killed them too.”

 

Sasori agreed and with that; they went to work.

 

**XXXXXXXXXX**

 

_ Same day at the hospital on Sakura's shift… _

 

“ Thank fuck for our enchanted healing because you would have been dead after those hunters put you though,” Sakura replied frowning examining Tayuya's body. She received a small smile in response and a concerned sigh from Hinata who was sitting down on the visitor’s chair.

 

The pinkette eyed the other one who calmly stared back. “You did a number on her. You're up for the lecture you're most likely going to get from Tsunade and Sasuke?”

 

Tayuya rolled her eyes. “I couldn't care less a fuck about what Uchiha thinks of me,” she pointed out before laying back down on the hospital bed with a sigh.

 

Sakura noticed Hinata staring at her girlfriend and she told Hinata that she could lay down next to her and she watched the dark-haired woman did so. She smiled when Tayuya wrapped an arm around the others woman waist.

 

She remembers the day where she introduced the two at a Halloween party. Hinata was a cute cat with a nursing outfit to complete the image that she was going with. She remembers Tayuya wearing a slutty cop outfit that she had fond memories of.

 

That was when Sasori and her tested an open relationship that year to see if they could share each other with others. She knew he slept around with Deidara mainly and even had a threeway with Itachi and Deidara once before he went back to her. She trusted those men and Sasori told her who he slept around but he admitted he wasn't a fan of open relationships before he asked if she slept around as well.

 

She did. She told him about the casual sex with Tayuya, a memorable night with Ino and Sai, that one-night stand and morning sex with Kiba and then a quickie with Hinata on the same day. She also admitted that even she had fun; open relationships weren't her thing either. After that their relationship was exclusive.

 

She knew some people had closed-minds and thought they were cheating on each other and technically they did if she and Sasori can admit but that's a thing about open relationships. If you can tell the who you're mainly dating about who you slept around with; you're fine in each other's eyes.

 

Who would thought her life would turn into this? She would have never imagined that in her first life and honestly she thinks her past self wouldn't fault her. Because she remembers going to the battlefield where she met Sasori and talked to thin air imagining it was the redhead.

 

She has broken out her musings when Tayuya poked her boob hard. The pinkette looked at her and gave her a questioning look. Sakura smiled. “I was just thinking about the time where Sasori and I had an open relationship, that's all” she explained quickly seeing Hinata fell asleep in Tayuya's arms.

 

Tayuya eyed her before she smirked. “We had fun with that outfit and pops, huh?” She asked with an excited look in her eyes.

 

Sakura smirked back. “We sure did.”

 

“ Who did you two slept with anyway?” Tayuya asked curiously.

 

“ Well, I slept with you, Ino, Sai, Kiba, and Hinata while Sasori slept with Yahiko once but he mainly slept around with Deidara and had a threesome with the blonde and Itachi once,” Sakura explained.

 

Tayuya looked impressed. “Excellent.”

 

Sakura laughed softly but she agreed.

 

**END OF ACT FIVE: THE ENCHANTED LIFE AIN'T SUNSHINE & DAISIES**

\----------------------------------------------------

**Well! That was a fun read, I hope. I think this would be the longest one-shot in the series simply because I had fun with this one and maybe, just maybe, focus more on this one-shot verse with mini stories.**

 

**Maybe even a rated M about the open relationship. Which honestly impressed me than shock me, you see. Because apparently this verse it can happen.**

 

**Anyway, I wrote whatever comes to mind so I was taken back by the parent discussion and I hoped I ended it quick enough so I wouldn't make people too uncomfortable. If I did, I apologize but I just have issues with how Naruto and Sasuke treated their children in Gaiden and the movie, that's all.**

 

**I know this chapter focused mainly on ItaDei and it was on purpose. I wanted to give them a chance so you can see a little into their life in this verse.**

 

**If you're curious about who's who during the texting; here's the list.**

 

**SAKURA'S CONTACTS:**

**[HADES] Sasori**

**[HEY SOLDIER] Kiba**

**[BLACK PUPPETRY] Kankuro**

**[ATOMIC BLONDE] Deidara**

**[ORIGAMI QUEEN] Konan**

**[EDGAR'S RAVEN] Sasuke**

**[WHISKERS] Naruto**

**[BEATLEJUICE] Shino**

**[LOVE BITES] Karin**

**[FISHY] Kisame**

**[HPONOIS KING] Nagato**

**[MUSIC MISTESS] Tayuya**

**[INNER PEACE] Juugo**

**[EARTH'S SORCESESS] Temari**

**[MIND &INK] Sai**

**[CRIMSON LOVE] Gaara**

**[SHADOWS] Shikamaru**

**[MONEY-LOVING HOE] Kakuzu**

**[MENACE PRIEST] Hidan**

**[LAVENDER ROYALITY] Hinata**

**[FLOWER WIFE] Ino**

**[FISHY'S WANNABE] Suigetsu**

**[YIN YANG ERROR] Zetsu**

**[GENTLE PEACEKEEPER] Itachi**

 

**DEIDARA'S CONTACTS**

**[THE GODDESS] Konan**

**[QUEEN] Sakura**

**[ETERNAL PAIN] Sasori**

**[PAGAN FUCKER] Hidan**

**[RAVEN'S PEACEKEEPER] Itachi**

**[GREEDY BITCH] Kakuzu**

**[KOUGA] Kiba (Get it?)**

**[BITCHY SISTER] Ino**

 

**God. I hope I didn't forget anyone but here you go. I might keep these names. I like them. It suits many of them, yes?**

 

**I dunno when the next update would be so don't your breath, guys.**

 

**See ya later~!!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an apology oneshot for jacpin2002 for taking so damn long for their request.


	6. ACT SIX: Put Your War Paint On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crazy Lot has been reminded again how much an asshole their Sasori could be. They remember he does not strike until the month is set for his mood. Anyone who dares prank the redhead will fear for their being's health during October. That is all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's slightly late Halloween one-shot. 
> 
> At least this could be considered for Sasori's birthday.

**NARUTO doesn’t belong to me; nothing does.**

**Here’s the continuing chapter for the previous one-shot. I decided to give you delighted development between the characters. I also decided to finally include Obito into the group chat with an easily recognize nickname. This chapter will reveal what happened to the Bijuus’.**

**Hope you like it.**

 

– **xxx – xxx – xxx –**

 

Deidara eyed Itachi for a short moment while they were on break during the meeting with the current Kages. It still puzzles the blond that the Kages and the organization can come far enough for everyone to get along enough to work together. Make sure Zetsu wasn’t planning on bringing back his mother, make sure the Uchiha clan was treated equality and be actually thoroughly searching who really killed off who, and definitely make sure people like Madara and Danzo aren’t anywhere near anyone without their powers at all. Everyone learned that the hard way and nearly got everyone killed in response due to the manipulation.

 

It still took him and the others literal years to forgive Obito enough to let him come back into their lives without worrying he was going to stab them in their back and carry on because he just sees them as pawns to his plan to make the world a better place. Such shit; good luck with that.

 

“Is there something wrong?” Itachi’s voice broke him out of his musings and he focused his attention on his silent staring partner. They got together almost two lifetimes ago and haven’t looked back since even when the blond ‘whore himself out’ like Itachi put it in the beginning.

 

Deidara doesn’t care they’re being watched or even being heard by the others when he said: “You still want to adopt a kid right, hmm?” He questioned.

 

Itachi stared at him taken back before he nodded.

 

Deidara smiled at him; “I received word that the young girl Fuu is in the system. You wanna adopt her?” He questioned holding up his phone so the taken back Itachi to read it. He doesn’t care about the shocked whispers, some delighted, some shocked-fill curses definitely from Hidan, that’s for sure.

 

Itachi smiled in response looking at the phone before he nodded. “Yes, let’s do it” he replied.

 

Deidara didn’t stop himself from standing up from his seat where he was sitting next to Sasori who merely looked unsurprised at the events but only because he’s been helping him find where Fuu was located at before the blond remembered she was from Takigakure.

 

He remembered that day a lifetime ago where he and the others found out that the Bijuus’ are still alive and roaming whatever destination they see fit. He knew that the former jinchuriki could still have access to one’s power. Or even stayed with them time to time like Kurama and Gyuki’s cases.

 

“I’m going to be the child’s godmother” Konan declared.

 

“Yeah, sure,” Deidara said after he broke from the kiss that still takes Itachi back time to time. He wasn’t as big of PDA that people think but he has no problem showing it. Itachi likes being private; his relationship wouldn’t be any different.

 

“Sasori, do you wish to be Fuu’s godfather? We won’t be offended that you refused” Itachi commented.

 

Sasori stared at the small girl from the phone silently before he shrugged. “I’m fine with it” he allowed after a moment thinking.

 

This is how Fuu came to be adopted by two redeemed beings from the organization that was responsible for her death. She was shy around them understanding and mainly stayed with Sakura who was delighted to be the child’s aunt at the hospital. Due to the pinkette’s blunt cheerful attitude, Fuu came to realized that her parents were redeemed or they would still get their ass kicked; Sakura told her smiling.

 

Aunt Sakura was her favorite aunt; just like how Uncle Naruto was her favorite uncle.

 

– xxx –

 

Considering they were busy because most of them loved October because thirty-one days to fuck with each other without it being illegal or even frowned upon among the being’s council was absolutely wonderful and so very much needed; the pinkette was slightly taken back by the group chat coming to life once again.

 

[ **FLOWER WIFE** ] Whoever put orange dye in my shower head is going to be wishing they didn’t after I’m done with them.

 

Oh boy. She didn’t do it but she can picture happening and she laughed startling the others in the nurse’s breakroom while Fuu only smiled. The young girl was already used to her aunt’s wild behavior. The pinkette thinks that’s wonderful.

 

[ **MENACE PRIEST** ] Send pics or it didn’t happen.

[ **REDEEMED HERO** ] Does that mean you did it to her?

 

“Uncle Obito hardly replies to the group chat, huh” Fuu whispered looking down at her phone since she went to sit on the pinkette’s lap to see what made her laugh hard enough; she nearly snorted her coffee through her nose.

 

“He’s filled with guilt” Sakura whispered agreeing silently. Even when Konan kicked his ass during the training grounds when he agreed to make it a fair fight since he did kill her off; brutally too; he still wasn’t comfortable enough chatting but she knows he reads them. He tends to send her his favorite moments through screenshots privately or in the small group chat that consists of the Team Seven.

 

She remembered including Minato and Kushina after they both sent a text asking (or demanding in Kushina’s case; she loves her) to let them join the group chat. So now the Team Seven’s group chat members are herself, Naruto, Sasuke, Sai, Kakashi, Yamato, Obito, Rin, Minato, Kushina, and Mikoto who, of course, will always be included in her eyes. The others silently agreed to let Team Taka just stay in the general group chat then Team Seven.

 

[ **HEY SOLDIER** ] My money’s either on him or Kankuro.

[ **MONEY-LOVING HOE** ] Is that a bet?

[ **FLOWER WIFE** ] Yes.

[ **SUNSHINE** ] Remember the last time we made a bet with Kakuzu involved, yes?

 

[ **EDGAR’S RAVEN** ] Nearly all of us got killed by the council.

[ **MENACE PRIEST** ] Only the ones that couldn’t fucking handle killing off a member.

[ **ORIGAMI QUEEN** ] Then we all watched blankly you going down with your crimes.

 

Fuu snorted at the dark text before she went back coloring her color book filled with Disney characters; on and off the nurse’s room was filled with Disney movies so Fuu can watch them. So far; she’s been coloring the princesses accurately even when the pinkette told her she can color them whatever color she wants to.

 

[ **ATOMIC BLONDE** ] Pissing off Mito was one Hell of a show. I wished I had popcorn.

[ **MENACE PRIEST** ] Get fucked, Rapunzel.

[ **GENTLE PEACEMAKER** ] That’s one idea where you can dressed up as for Halloween.

[ **ATOMIC BLONDE** ] Don’t you ever encourage him again, babe.

 

“Papa’s funny” Fuu whispered gleefully.

 

Sakura smiled back.

 

[ **REDEEMED HERO** ] Could he even sing?

[ **GENTLE PEACEMAKER** ] So, so.

[ **FLOWER WIFE** ] If you see a hurt Kankuro coming to your clinic; I plead the fifth, Forehead.  
[ **EARTH’S SORCERESS** ] DID YOU KILL MY BROTHER

 

[ **FLOWER WIFE** ] I RESISTED THE URGE

 

Sakura choked on her drink while Fuu covered her mouth with her hands grasping.

 

– xxx –

 

It was in the Akatsuki meeting while the Kages patiently watched how the organization acted with each other. It was one of the rules for the few decades—lives issued by Mito who was still the fearful woman that no one would be brave enough to battle. If she could handle Kurama until the removal for who knows how long then she should not be taken lightly.

 

They were currently deciding who dressed up as what or whom for Halloween. So far; Konan decided to wear one of her old outfits during her pirate days and no one argued against it. There was still normals today have whispered or told her she looked exactly like the woman who was the most successful woman pirate in history ironically.

 

Nagato hasn’t decided yet. Yahiko seemed too sleepy to even join the conversation considering how he was laying almost on top of Nagato who merely talked to the others while Konan was leaning against his side. There’s a rumor that those three are polygamous involved with each other.

 

“I’m not going to be dressing up as anything shark-related. I have done it enough in the past” Kisame argued pointedly.

 

“What can you do with blue skin and fins, hmm?” Deidara questioned pointedly with raised brows.

 

“He can dress up as a Smurf. They’re blue” Obito pointed out carefully.

 

Hidan snorted out his drink from laughing too hard at the image.

 

Kisame closed his eyes to clearly count to a number before opening them again. “No,” he said with a tight voice.

 

“There’s a Care Bear that’s blue” Sasori pointed out distantly amused.

 

“Get fucked” Kisame breathed out; lips twitching despite himself.

 

“If you want blue themed costumes; there’s that Sailor Scout. Mercury, I think” Yahiko said sleepy almost slurring his words in the progress.

 

“… I can’t unsee him wearing a mini skirt now” Obito whispered.

 

“I am never going to wear a skirt; a mini especially” Kisame retorted. He ignored the ‘thank Jashin’ comment from Hidan with such ease that the distantly amused Kages were envious.

 

“Bubbles from Powergirls wears a blue dress,” Konan said amused.

 

Kisame let out a fake cheerful laugh in response.

 

“Wasn’t there a Power Ranger that’s blue?” Nagato questioned curiously.

 

“A skin-tight costume. Do you want my private parts outlined?” Kisame questioned in return.

 

“Don’t flatter yourself, hmm?” Deidara said rolling his eyes.

 

“Dressed up as Steve Rogers; his costume is in the blue color family,” Konan said before Kisame could do something towards the blond.

 

“I am nowhere near moral standing like he is” Kisame pointed out.

 

“It doesn’t have to be accurate” Itachi pointed out.

 

“Kisame can dress as Cinderella” Yahiko allowed thinking it over. Only Nagato and Konan could tell if he was serious or not and neither said a word.

 

“Can his Bigfoot feet even fucking fit in those shoes?” Hidan questioned.

 

Kisame breathed deeply again.

 

They have been on day 200 without attempt murder in the workplace. They have to keep that progress up.

 

“I remember Black Star having light blue hair” Konan allowed thinking it over.

 

Kisame had to google the guy before he nodded. “His outfit will do. So my costume’s taken care of” he said.

 

So far; Kisame and Konan are the only ones that knew what they should dress as.

 

– xxx –

 

“We can adopt a child” Sasori allowed and didn’t bat an eye when Sakura looked at him sharply taken back. He only shrugged. “Yugito is only a year younger then Fuu so it works out,” he said staring straight at her.

 

Sakura stared at him before she smiled brightly. “Yugito Nii is coming to the Akasuna’s family!” She shouted fist-bumping in the air.

 

Sasori merely smirked at the scene.

 

Yugito was only four years old but she remembers the Akatsuki enough to frown in disapproval at Hidan who kept his distance but other then that; she came to love her adoptive parents especially her new friend Fuu which was a relief.

 

– xxx –

 

“Who would have thought the artist duo would each adopt a daughter” Obito mused quietly where he and Kakashi were taking turns with the Kindle to see what they should dress up as.

 

“They came a long way” Kakashi muttered agreeing. It was one of those nights where he doesn’t have the mask on and Obito still gives him shit about covering up such a face that had a ‘fucking cute beauty mark.’ “Maa, should we do that cowboy theme costume?” He questioned.

 

Obito stared at the outfits before he shrugged. “Why the fuck not” he muttered tapping to confirm the order. He knows someone from Takigakure that he didn’t fuck over during their shinobi days who still hold an understanding grudge to tailor their costumes to fit them.

 

“It is nice for them to include you in their children’s lives” Kakashi added.

 

Obito was silent before he nodded. He still remembers the shock when Fuu called him her uncle while Yugito called him her grandfather and he still hasn’t forgiven the little shit. He was only in his mid-thirties; he was not that old! He doesn’t have white hair like Kakashi but the smug man only gets called Uncle Kakashi by the spiteful Yugito.

 

Ugh.

 

“Do you remember when I was shocked that you wouldn’t read Fifty Shades of Gray?” Obito questioned changing the ‘feels’ subject towards whatever this was.

 

Kakashi sighed deeply. “Are you ever going to drop that I read erotica novels?” He questioned acting tired.

 

“Not when I caught you reading those shit books when we were shinobi” Obito retorted.

 

“You would think you know you’re feeling something for me when you continued to stalk me” Kakashi replied mildly giving him that eye twinkle that makes his eye twitch depending on the emotion the white-haired man showed.

 

“I did not fucking stalk you” Obito protested cursing the small flush appearing.

 

“You stalked me across the village to hang out with me before the Kannabi mission” Kakashi reminded him smiling. “Then you mask your chakra and hide to watch me afterward” he mused.

 

Obito pursed his lips refusing to give in.

 

Kakashi pinched his cheek in response smiling.

 

Obito’s lips twitched upwards in a smile despite himself.

 

“Who would have thought you may have fallen in love with me back then” Obito mused almost spiteful but sounding fond instead.

 

“Maa, probably” Kakashi agreed.

 

They were enjoying the silence until the little fucker had to ruin it.

 

“Fifty Shades of Gray was actually liked by Gemma not me. I have standards” Kakashi told him.

 

Obito stared at him in disbelief. “You actually have standards for smut” he breathed out.

 

“What’s wrong with that. You’re the one who liked Twilight” Kakashi retorted.

 

Obito yelled a denial but Kakashi reminded him cheerful the movies that were inside their basement.

 

This is why they can’t fucking have nice things, asshole. He loves and hates Kakashi so much.

 

– xxx –

 

[ **MUSIC MISTRESS** ] I’m going as Starfire while Hinata goes as Raven

[ **FISHY WANNABE** ] They’re not a couple?

[ **MUSIC MISTRESS** ] Robin could suck it

[ **WHISKERS** ] I lost a bet so I’m going as Kenny McCormick, dattebayo.

 

Sakura blinked taken back. She wasn’t surprised by the couple costume but Kenny? She remembers the questioning morals kid wore orange but Naruto doesn’t act like him.

 

[ **REDEEMED HERO** ] What bet

[ **WHISKERS** ] The world is going to be fine

[ **HYPNOSIS KING** ] That is not exactly comforting

[ **HEY SOLDIER** ] He lost another eating contest with Hinata. So Tayuya picks out his costume

 

Sakura let out a relieved sigh. The last time Naruto lost a bet; they nearly lost the moon for a week. It reminds her of the time where she and the others had to rescue the Hyuuga sisters from that madman.

 

[ **FLOWER WIFE** ] Why Kenny. They only got the orange going on

[ **MUSIC MISTRESS** ] I can only think Kenny right now

[ **LAVENDER ROYALTY** ] We’re watching South Park

[ **BLACK PUPPETRY** ] Just dress him up as Ichigo from Bleach

 

[ **MUSIC MISTRESS** ] Ichigo Kurosaki. Congratulations, Uzumaki

[ **WHISKERS** ] Woohoo!

[ **FLOWER WIFE** ] I’m going to dress up as a Hippie this year

[ **EARTH’S SORCERESS** ] That will work

 

[ **FLOWER WIFE** ] My brother should dress as Sailor Venus this year

[ **ATOMIC BLONDE** ] No.

[ **MENACE PRIEST** ] Itachi should fucking dress up as Sailor Mars

[ **GENTLE PEACEMAKER** ] If I set anyone on fire; they probably deserved it

 

Sakura snorted out a laugh.

 

[ **HEY SOLDIER** ] I think Deidara dressing as Sailor Venus will just welcome the jokes

[ **ATOMIC BLONDE** ] Fucking exactly

[ **ORIGAMI QUEEN** ] What jokes

 

Sakura smiled. She knew Konan knows the jokes concerning Venus’s weapon. She’s just daring anyone to text them.

 

[ **MIND &INK**] We know you know them

[ **ORIGAMI QUEEN** ] Her wipe is not anal beads

[ **MENACE PRIEST** ] Deidara can always use his own if he does dress as Venus

[ **ATOMIC BLONDE** ] **KNIFE EMOJI**

 

[ **HADES** ] Wax your legs then

[ **ATOMIC BLONDE** ] You should dress as Raggedy Anne

 

Sakura nearly snorted out her coffee from laughing at the image.

 

[ **REDEEMED HERO** ] Oh god

[ **MENACE PRIEST** ] FUCK. You need to do that  
[ **HADES** ] No

[ **ORIGAMI QUEEN]** You should. Think of the delighted children

 

[ **HADES** ] Delighted, my ass.

[ **FISHY** ] Give in the temptation.

[ **HADES** ] You really want to see me in a dress?

[ **MENACE PRIEST** ] Why the fuck not

 

[ **HADES** ] Just remember this

 

Sakura dreaded it already.

 

[ **WHISKERS** ] That sounds ominous.

[ **SUNSHINE** ] Sasori, please. Think wisely

[ **HADES** ] You’re not on the list

[ **REDEEMED HERO** ] Not comforting

 

Shit.

 

– xxx –

 

The first victim wasn’t who started it. That would be too predictable. It wasn’t Sasori’s taste at all. It was too easy and the redhead already had a plan for Deidara anyway.

 

Having the first victim be the one that was already prank was hilarious. They think they’re okay because they already got tricked. They’re just waiting for their treat part, yes? Only to the one who tricked them in the first place. They’re still game for others and they’re going to realize that.

 

This is how Ino startled everyone in the police station when she let out a blood-curdling scream in the locker rooms. They found her sitting on the floor looking at her locker with wide terrified eyes clutching her chest leaning against the other locker across from it.

 

One says one pushed Kakashi to find what happened inside the locker to find a body of all things brutally torn apart with their eyes missing. It had an unsettling smile on its face as it was stitched to make it so.

 

“Maa, we found our missing criminal” Kakashi commented getting it out of the locker and not batting an eye when it’s gut fallen out after it. He heard someone gagging at the scene but he merely sighed. “Tell the officials that Sasori hunted down another criminal down” he ordered smile audible. Several people scattered even when it was only one was needed.

 

“Why prank me” Ino whispered stunned.

 

Kakashi looked at her. “I’ll ask Obito for you. Now clean up the mess for Yamanaka, everyone” he told her smiling before he disappeared.

 

“...You heard him” Gemma said with a sigh. There were groans.

 

Rin was the one who got Ino out of the locker room and into a safer environment.

 

– xxx –

 

“You called a meeting with not every Akatsuki member. Is something wrong, Kakashi?” Minato questioned concerned. He knew that October was well liked around beings even when they had to go to other dimensions or planets to have fun because of normals… liked to make it a mess and their portrayals. Well. They have interesting portrayals. He will give them that. The thing was that even October was well liked it doesn’t mean criminal behavior stopped. It just got creative.

 

Kakashi merely showed them what happened in the locker room from the footage he bribed the guard with for a pack of malt liquor but that was between him and the guard. “Sasori was helpful taking this criminal down for us” he introduced.

 

Mei stared at the brutal image without battling an eye while Chojuro looked ill. “Why place it inside her locker?”

 

Kakashi smiled at Obito who was still looking at the image taken back. “Ask Obito,” he said.

 

Obito gave him a look when everyone turned to look at him. “He decided to prank people that are on his list. Apparently, Yamanaka was one of them” he explained.

 

“So no one knows who’s on the list or not” Onoki mused.

 

“I doubt he will tell anyone either. Akasuna is not the merciful type after all” A said.

 

“That’s a prank?” Minato questioned taken back.

 

“It’s Sasori,” Kakashi and Obito said absently.

 

“Would Sakura be excluded from the list?” Darui questioned warily.

 

“Probably not,” Kakashi said cheerfully.

 

“She is his fiance. Surely that will exclude her” Mei retorted.

 

Kakashi shook his head smiling.

 

Crap.

 

He wasn’t done. “Be careful and keep your guard up. Sasori couldn’t care less about morals, in general, let alone for pranks” Kakashi reminded them.

 

“Explains the footage” Onoki commented.

 

– xxx –

 

Nothing happened the next couple of days. It got to the point where Sasori just didn’t seem to care and the people breathed easier until the redhead strikes again with a small smirk.

 

Naruto had footage of Sasuke screaming when he spotted several little dolls running after him with smiles and his name being shouted after him.

 

Sakura barely stopped Sasuke from murdering Sasori because she was laughing too hard.

 

The next meeting about Sasori’s second victim went like this…

 

“Dolls,” Mei said laughter in her voice.

 

“They’re creepy dolls. I can’t blame him from screaming” Gaara said smirking.

 

“You can hear Uzumaki laughing” A pointed out.

 

“The part where Sakura barely stopped Sasuke from murdering Sasori because she couldn’t stop laughing was a nice touch” Darui pointed out amused.

 

“Those two are assholes,” Kurotsuchi said sounding fond.

 

“This prank was tamer” Minato allowed smiling slightly.

 

– xxx –

 

Third time’s the charm? Not at all.

 

[ **BLACK PUPPETRY** ] I DON’T LOOK GOOD WITH PURPLE HAIR

[ **BLACK PUPPETRY** ] **IMAGE ATTACHED**

[ **BLACK PUPPETRY** ] SASORI. YOU FUCKWIT. DID YOU DO THIS

[ **HADES** ] No

 

Sakura doesn’t know what to believe but Kankuro was right. He does not look good with purple hair.

 

[ **MENACE PRIEST** ] Are you fuckin’ sure?

[ **HADES** ] You really think dying people’s hair will be considered a prank from me?

 

He did have a point.

 

[ **REDEEMED HERO** ] You’re the one that has a list to prank. Can you blame them?

[ **HADES** ] You’re not on the list anyway.

[ **FLOWER WIFE** ] So I was the one on the list. Why.

[ **HADES** ] Why not

 

She’s marrying an evil asshole. She was awed.

 

[ **WHISKERS** ] ‘Why not’

[ **EDGAR’S RAVEN** ] Why was I on the list?

[ **HADES** ] You’re not a complete dumbass. You can figure it out.

[ **GENTLE PEACEMAKER** ] Sasori

 

That was when Team Seven chat came to play and she had to multitask reading that chat and her paperwork which she will set on fire if one more nurse gives her their bundle. She can only be generous these days.

 

[EDGAR’S RAVEN] Sakura

[PERCY QUEEN] Do you not remember how you treated him when he and I got together?

[EDGAR’S RAVEN] I stopped

[WHISKERS] This month. Come on now, man

 

[CROW] Is this because of Karin’s soul?

[EDGAR’S RAVEN] Oh

 

Sakura closed her eyes and counted till ten.

 

[WHISKERS] :/

[REDEEMED HERO] Did you seriously forget Karin

[EDGAR’S RAVEN] It’s been a long week

[CHESHIRE] It’s only Monday

 

[EDGAR’S RAVEN] Aa.

[PERCY QUEEN] Anyway. I think he has something plan for Deidara

[WHISKERS] Can he top these three?

[PERCY QUEEN] Kankuro’s purple hair was from Ino. It’s not the third prank from him

 

Being Sasori’s fiance had its perks. Plus they will never know she helps him set the pranks up and knows everyone on the list.

 

[REDEEMED HERO] The last time Deidara got prank; he couldn’t stop bitching for over an hour

[PERCY QUEEN] That might because you used the Tobi persona…

[REDEEMED HERO] Technicalities

[PERCY QUEEN] Is this because he set you on fire to wake you up?

 

[REDEEMED HERO] It was one of the reasons, yes.

[GREEN WITCH] Were you okay, Obito?

[REDEEMED HERO] Yeah, Rin. I healed under an hour

[WHISKERS] I remember that. Someone filmed it

 

[CHESHIRE] I bet you Hidan did

[THE FLASH] No betting from either of you.

[CHESHIRE] Why not?!

[WHISKERS] Why not?!

 

[CROW] We nearly lost the moon for a week when you lost a bet, Naruto

[REDEEMED HERO] We got a dimension blown up when you lost a bet, Kushina

[THE FLASH] Above are the reasons why

[CHESHIRE] That dimension was awful anyway. It was a favor, ya know

 

[EDGAR’S RAVEN] Just go play in the casino instead

[THE FLASH] That’s even worse.

[CROW] What’s with the Uchiha clan and terrible ideas?

[REDEEMED HERO] Bakashi

 

[CROW] Want me to remind you of yours?

[REDEEMED HERO] … I yield

[LIVING ANGEL] What about my ideas?

[CROW] We all know you’re an exception, Mikoto

 

[LIVING ANGEL] **SMILE EMOJI**

 

Smooth save, sensei.

 

– xxx –

 

Since he was a complete petty bastard who couldn’t be predictable for their sake during October; Sasori went underground again. They don’t know that he already had everything planned for their last mid-week for October to celebrate Halloween and the fall season.

 

It was fine. Everyone was getting their last touches for the costumes ready and bring-watching Halloween movies that range from hilarious to down-right pathetic in their line of work.

 

_(“The blood looked absolutely faked in this scene. They don’t know how blood splatters when you cut a dozen people’s heads off. Fucking heathens” Hidan told them._

 

“ _You should tell Hollywood they have it wrong, hmm” Deidara encouraged smiling wicked._

 

_Itachi looked distantly amused if you paid close attention to his expression and not his deep exhausted sigh. The blond corrupted their peacemaker; they will swear to you._

 

_Hidan grinned._

 

“ _You do that. You’re going to wish Mito had you first to punish” Konan said softly._

 

“ _Take the beheading then being set on fire from Mito, man” Kisame commented amusedly._

 

_Hidan scoffed but stayed pointedly silent remaining of the movie.)_

 

It was finally Halloween and the motherfucker went all out.

 

His first true victim was Deidara.

 

The blond wouldn’t speak to anyone what happened to make him so pale but Ino forced her powers on him to see and paled herself. She, another hand, told them in great detail enough that they wonder how awful Sasori can truly be and if the pointedly silent pinkette knew anything about it.

 

Because since Deidara made a comment that Sasori should go as Raggedy Ann for Halloween; the redhead took that as his sign to prank the poor blond. Deidara got to see Raggedy Ann from Annabelle and the damn Conjuring staring at him from all the mirrors he comes across but before the real thing comes and haunts him.

 

It was actually Sasori dressed as Raggedy Ann or Annabelle watching him with a sweet smile before the redhead disappeared.

 

“I yield, you insane fuckwit” Deidara finally breathed out.

 

They will tell you that Sasori’s amused laughter sent shivers to their spine and vowed to not screw with the redhead when it comes to this territory ever.

 

– xxx –

 

Since Sasori commented that the previous handful pranks were simply a warm-up; the group chat came to alive again. Sakura wasn’t even a bit surprised.

 

[ **MENACE PRIEST** ] You’re saying that Ino was a fuckin warm-up?

[ **HADES** ] Of course.

[ **FLOWER WIFE** ] The fuck. A corpse in my fucking locker was a warm-up?

[ **HADES** ] Why not kill two birds with one stone, Yamanaka.

 

[ **REDEEMED HERO** ] You wanna explain that shit to us, please do.

[ **HADES** ] The criminal was a menace to my projects. I had to silence him. So I placed his body into Yamanaka’s locker after that prank she placed on me a few months ago.

[ **FLOWER WIFE** ] …

[ **FLOWER WIFE** ] I’m honestly torn owning you around at the bar and fucking murdering you.

 

[ **HADES]** Either is fine. Let’s scare the civilians tonight.

[ **QUEEN** ] Not where children are. Anywhere else is game.

[ **REDEEMED HERO** ] You’re actually going to let her kill your fiance?

[ **QUEEN** ] All’s fair in love and war.

 

[ **MENACE PRIEST** ] Praise Jashin-sama. Are you fucking serious? Is anyone game killing Sasori or is it just for Ino?

[ **HADES** ] One of Yamanaka’s abilities is illusions. Do the math again, Hidan.

[ **MENACE PRIEST** ] Aw. Faking death.

 

[ **HYPNOSIS KING** ] Let’s not kill anyone’s significant lovers.

[ **HEY SOLDIER]** Lil’ late for that rule since Karin is dead.

[ **MUSIC MISTRESS** ] No regrets.

[ **EDGAR’S RAVEN** ] She did have it coming.

 

[ **ATOMIC BLONDE** ] Damn. I thought I was a bad lover in the beginning.

[ **EDGAR’S RAVEN** ] I never cheated on her by whoring myself like you.

[ **ATOMIC BLONDE** ] You call me a whore again and you’re going to fucking join her.

[ **ORIGAMI QUEEN** ] Put your dicks away, gentlemen. No bitchiness among the holidays.

 

This is one of the reasons why she loves Konan.

 

– xxx –

 

Sakura was honestly glad that everyone’s costumes came through with minimum bitching getting everything ready in the past.

 

She finds it absolutely adorable that Fuu went as a green-hair Cassandra Cain from the Bat-family or ‘Black Bat’ precise this year while Yugito went as Stephanie Brown or ‘Batgirl’ to match her. She wasn’t a bit surprised after buying the comics for them knowing since their appearances were children but they were actually ancient compared to the normals; she wasn’t bothered by the mentions of sex, violence, death among others. Some might say she’s a ‘bad’ role model for children but she surely wasn’t the only one who does this.

 

She lost count how many children went as Micheal Myers from the newest Halloween this year alone.

 

(She was glad that clown sightings weren’t this year or she really shows the crowns a good scary pant-shitting prank a thing or two. She knows that Sasori had fun playing with them. She still had the recording where the crown who scared children trick-or-treating screaming in sheer terror after Sasori was done with him.)

 

Sakura did punch a man for poking her back with a real-life chainsaw when she didn’t scream or look scared as the others when he came out hiding from his house with his frat boys. Honestly. What the fuck is wrong with young men such as him today? At least his friend who laughed wasn’t on her shit list.

 

“We're not supposed to harm mortals today” Konan whispered softly near her ear amused while they walked on keeping a close eye to their girls and other children. She was indeed wearing her pirate uniform and damn; did it still impressed the pinkette.

 

“Fucker poked my back with the damn thing. All bets are off” Sakura muttered in return. She was dressed as pink-haired Mulan because most of their group didn’t want to go an extra mile buying wigs for one occasion or the effort changing their hairdo with magic.

 

Konan looked at the house in response before she nodded slowly. “All bets are indeed off” she whispered in return ominous.

 

“We just met today, officer. I don’t know the blue-haired woman who harms the frat boy” Sakura said almost gleeful.

 

Konan’s smile was wicked.

 

– xxx –

 

Their group’s night ended the next day on Earth before packing up and partying among the cosmos until the two days after Day of the Dead.

 

All in all. It was a great time for everyone involved.

 

(Nagato did order Kakuzu to not purposely lose at Blackjack when it came to betting Hidan’s body to a celestial being that deals with Death.

 

“I really sense the divorce in the force” Kisame commented.

 

“It’s all fucking fun” Hidan repeated unphased that his husband loses him in the game and into the celestial arms who had the craziest hungry eyes.

 

Kisame stared at him in wonder.)

 

– **xxx – xxx – xxx –**

 

**Finger guns. Short because I lost my muse, oops. It’s a little late. I was going to go to the library on Halloween but my ride came too late and it didn’t seem worth it. A mistake on my part. Sigh. I don’t go to the library on Thursdays because CSI: Crime Scene Investigation marathon on ION comes on. It’s a dear favorite these days.**

 

**I have tried my best with characters like Obito, Rin, Kakashi, Minato in this story. This one-shot connects to the previous one. The next one, on another hand, _won’t_. It will be new. Some things stay the same whenever the next update will be. Not sure if I made it clear but each chapter unless stated otherwise aren’t connected. They’re literally _one-shots_ featuring reincarnation supernatural settings. **

 

**Like the pairings, of course. The nicknames in the group chat. For your beating hearts; I’m placing Fuu and Yugito in permanent positions. So yes, Fuu will continue to be Dei and Itachi’s adoptive daughter like Yugito with Sasori and Sakura.**

 

 **If it wasn’t obvious; Obito and Kakashi are together. Whoever winded up with Rin is up to you but if you ask me; I had either Anko or Gemma in mind for ‘reading fics that had them in the background’ sake.**  

**Anywho; in case you were curious.  
Redeemed hero: Obito. Crow: Kakashi. Green Witch: Rin. Living Angel: Mikoto. Sunshine: Yahiko. The Flash: Minato. Cheshire: Kushina (I choose this because her powers mainly focused on mischief not just the Uzumaki clan abilities.)**

 

**Bye, Bye.**

**Author's Note:**

> Questionable Man: Hidan  
> Flower Wife: Ino  
> Bite Lover: Karin
> 
> Puppetmaster: Kankuro  
> Kagura Ain't Got Nothing: Temari  
> Atomic Blonde: Deidara 
> 
> Origami Goddess: Konan  
> Quiet Leader: Nagato  
> My Own Hades: Sasori
> 
> Yin Yang Gone Wrong: Zetsu  
> Fishy: Kisame  
> Orange Lollipop: Tobi 
> 
> Money Lover: Kakuzu  
> Wolf Boy: Kiba 
> 
> Sakura's nicknames in her phone. Here you go c:


End file.
